On our 5th Anniversary

Anniversaries make me nostalgic.  My mind wanders to what was happening at this precise time, 5 years ago.  I was starting to get ready.  I was likely on the balcony of the hotel, writing in my journal.  That is one thing I am so glad I did on my wedding day - took the time to journal.  I am normally an anxious person, but I remember being perfectly calm that day.  I felt grateful.  Happy. Perfectly content.  Excited.

I told Ian that in some ways it feels like we have been married for far longer than 5 years.  Probably because our marriage has seen a lot of struggles that I never would have anticipated when we said I do on that day.  We have also seen miracles, generosity, and absolute pure love during that time.  That is a lot to witness in 5 years.

But I also told Ian that in some ways it feels like we just got married.  Those same feelings that I felt on our wedding day still remain.  Grateful.  Happy.  Perfectly content.  Excited.

Happy Anniversary, Ian!

Work trip

Ian left today for 6 days for a work trip.  It is the first time he has had to leave for more than a night since Luca was born.  Honestly, leading up to the trip he was so anxious about leaving that I tried to ease his nerves by telling him how it was no big deal.  He was concerned about me and how much it would take out of me to do both of our jobs.  I kept reminding him that people do this all the time, that we should be grateful he has a job that does not require traveling, and that we are so lucky to have each other 99.9% of the time to do this parenting thing as a team.

The truth is that Ian does more than the typical dad.  I expect him to be more involved because there is just so much to do with Luca, and if I'm being honest, I am exhausted most of the time so I need his help.  When he gets home from work, he has a lot to help out with.  We have lots of therapy homework, meds to make, syringes to clean, paperwork to file, insurance docs to review, phone calls to various people in Luca's team.  These extra things add up and mean that cleaning is not a priority for me during the day so it ends up on Ian's plate after he gets home.  And now that I am back in school, it means he has to take on more.

And while I tried to assure him that this is no big deal, in the back of my head I knew this would be totally okay, but super overwhelming and exhausting.  Luckily, I've called in reinforcements to help out during the week.  I have said it a lot of times, but we seriously have the best parents.

Yes, I know I will get through the week just fine.  We are on day 1 and I was finally able to sit down at 10pm.  This mama is going to sleep well this week.  Hopefully Luca will cooperate with that plan.

Started off the week by cleaning the hell of our house, making a nice dinner, getting schoolwork done, going to church, and taking care of myself.  Don't be surprised if by the end of the week I announce that I haven't showered or brushed my teeth, the dog hasn't been walked in 48 hours, and the house is a disaster.  Here's to optimistic thinking though, right?

Father's Day

I wanted Ian's first Father's Day to be special, to show him how much I appreciate that he is my partner in our crazy life.  To recognize what an amazing Dada he is to Luca.

When I got pregnant and we thought about having a baby girl, I expected he would be pretty involved.  But then we all know that we did not have the typical baby experience.  What did it mean?  It means he has had to step up to the plate to be highly involved.  There is just too much to do with Luca for him to take a back seat.  Sure I am home with Luca during the day.  But when Ian gets home after a full day at work, he and I work together to get everything taken care of.  I imagine he is much more involved with her than he would have been had she not had medical hurdles.

He really is into parenting with his entire heart.  He gets home and takes over so that I can pump and get dinner out.  He takes care of all of her meds every night, so that they are ready for me the next day.  We take turns doing bedtime.  He preps her feeding pump every night.  He takes care of sending out our bills.  I never have to handle the trash or recycling.  He takes the 3am and 6am diaper changes, and adds food to her feeding bag overnight at the 3am.  He gives her morning meds before he leaves for work.  He lets me sleep in every single weekend.

And the way he is with Luca makes my heart melt.  You know when you see a Dad with his daughter and it makes you all "awwww", yeah that's totally my reaction everyday when I see him care for her.  He is gentle and sweet.  He consoles her.  He talks to her.  He laughs his head off at any and every thing she does.  He raises and lowers his voice in animation when he reads to her. 

Oh, and let's not forget that he got cut open and gave a portion of his liver to save her life.  No big deal.

I got him a new coffee mug (he drinks a lot of coffee these days!) with pictures of him and Luca together. Then I got this picture framed.  It's one of the first photos of Luca with her Dad just minutes after she was born.  I hope he had a great day!

Article

Hi all!  If you haven't been following our caringbridge site, I'll give a very brief update.  Luca and Ian had their surgeries on December 14th.  Luca did beautifully until December 19th when she required emergency surgery, and then another emergency surgery on December 20th.  Since then, she has been recovering, slowly.  Ian was discharged on December 20th and has been recovering outside of the hospital.  We're hoping to bring Luca home in the next week or so.

And 2 days post transplant, I met up with a writer from the Washington Post, along with her metabolic team at Children's National Medical Center in D.C., and shared our story.  Here is the article as it appeared in today's paper.

Article in Washington Post

And because I'm obsessed with pictures our close friends took, here's one for you.

11.14.09

November 14th will always be remembered as the day we found out we'd no longer be a family of two.  I loved that day. 

One year later, we are spending the day together snuggling, soaking in our time together, giving kisses to sweet baby cheeks.  What an amazing year it's been.

Word Mixup

Conversation with Ian yesterday:

Me:  Alright so we need to start getting stuff ready for her night time.  I already made formula but we need to prep her meds.

Ian:  Okay.  Has she already had chlamydia?

Me:  (hysterical laughter)

Ian:  Has she?

Me:  Ummm, I'm pretty sure you're referring to her antibiotic which is called clindamycin.  I certainly hope she hasn't had chlamydia!

It's a good thing I've become a light sleeper

Peeing every 2 hours through the night is somewhat annoying, but I feel pretty used to it now.  And besides, I figure the constant interruptions are just preparing me for the interruptions we'll have once baby girl is in the outside world (although I'm sure my pee breaks are just a taste of the amount of interruptions we'll have when she's born).

When I wake up for these breaks, I hoist myself out of the bed, sleepily grab random things on my nightstand until I feel my glasses, put my glasses on, then very loudly walk down the hall to our bathroom.  Then I come back to bed, rearrange my pillows by lifting the covers, then I plop back into bed, put my glasses back on the nightstand, and quickly try to find a comfortable position so I can fall back to sleep.  Through all of that, Ian does not even stir.  Not even a little twitch. 

Last night, after I came back from my 4:30am pee break, I was half asleep but bolted awake a few minutes after 5.  I braced the bed because I could've sworn the entire room was shaking.  Actually what truly startled me wasn't the shaking, it was the noise from my jewelry cabinet shaking, and our TV stand was shaking against the wall.  Then it stopped.  I thought I must've been having a dream, because it sure as hell felt what I imagine an earthquake would feel like.  But it couldn't be.  We live in Maryland for goodness sakes.  So I laid there, pondering what could've woken me.  Was I dreaming?  Did our next door neighbor fall down the steps?  I kept waiting to hear an ambulance pull up outside, or police, or something.  But nothing.

And what a surprise - Ian slept soundly through the entire thing.  There I am, laying wide awake wondering what the hell just happened, and my darling husband slept through it all.  Turns out, it was a (small) earthquake.  So I wasn't dreaming afterall.

But it makes me a little nervous that Ian's sleep pattern is not the most conducive for being a supportive Dad/husband when baby girl arrives.  Our plan is that when baby girl wakes up the first week, Ian gets up and brings her to me to feed.  Then when I'm finished feeding her, he takes her for a diaper change and burping, then puts her back to sleep.  (And by the way...I realize that process sounds way too easy than it will probably be.  I'm sure that plan will go straight out the window depending on what our little one needs from us).  But is he even going to wake up when she cries?  Is his sleep pattern something that will change once she's here, or am I constantly going to need to wake him up each time?

What was your husband's sleep pattern before and after the baby arrived?  Did he too turn into a light sleeper?

Anniversary Celebration

For our 2nd anniversary last weekend, we really were hoping to be able to get away for the weekend.  But with me being so big, and the weather being so hot, we figured that I probably wouldn't be up for a lot of activity if we went somewhere.  We also looked at our finances and felt uncomfortable spending the money to go away for the weekend.  We realize that once she is here, we have to be prepared for anything to happen financially.

So instead, we opted to go out for a super fancy meal at Charleston.  It's only about 10 minutes away, and probably the top rated restaurant in Baltimore.  We had been here once before, about 4-5 years ago and had remembered it being very good.  This time, it certainly did not disappoint.

The food was delicious and I ate just about every bite.  I started with romaine salad with artichokes and a citrus dressing, then had the seared salmon with fresh beets and oranges (this was my personal favorite), and then had the beef tenderloin with rice and beans (this was my least favorite).  Ian started with the beet salad, then had seared big eye tuna, and then had buffalo tenderloin with mushrooms and crispy shallots (this was by far the most amazing of all of our dishes).  I had a cheese plate after dinner, then had the strawberry rhubarb tart with blood orange sorbet.  Talk about eating a lot of food!!

We enjoyed every minute.  We held hands and talked about life together.  We talked about how much our lives are about to change.  We talked and talked and then had quiet moments to sit and look out on the water...both of us cherishing these last few weeks together, and cherishing what was our last super fancy meal together before we two become three. 

At dinner - and wow, my face is starting to look puffy!

We exchanged gifts - second anniversary is "cotton."  We each got each other something little related to that theme.  But then, I was surprised by the second gift Ian gave me.  Ian spoiled me with a camcorder!  We had been talking about getting one but just hadn't managed to look into it.  We talked about how much we wanted one so we could record our little one.  Can't wait to start using it! 

Loved our anniversary celebration this year at a time that is full of all kinds of transitions for us.

2 Years Later

Two years ago, I was staying in a hotel in Georgetown (DC) with my closest girlfriends.  I was relaxing, watching as they were getting their hair and makeup done.  It was a beautiful day - perfectly sunny, mild in temperature, and had the most perfect blue sky.  I went out on the balcony, overlooking the city, and wrote in my journal.  I wanted to record all of my thoughts, emotions, and feelings on the day I was getting married.

I was calm, very abnormal for me!  But I was also so incredibly excited.  Once my hair and makeup were done and I put my dress and veil on, I was ready to go, and I remember saying and feeling that I just wanted to hurry up and get to the church and be next to Ian, holding his hand.

I remember walking down the aisle towards Ian - seeing the faces of all of our friends and family and it felt so surreal.  You dream about that moment for your entire life (or at least I had), and it was finally happening.  Although, in all of those dreams, I hadn't known the face that would be waiting for me at the end of the aisle.  I looked at him and felt like running towards him.  The rest of the ceremony was beautiful - I looked out at our loved ones and felt so blessed.

After pictures, we celebrated our big day, dancing the night away.  When the party finally wrapped up at 1am, lots of friends went out afterwards, but we opted to skip the after party because we were SO exhausted.  Even though we were tired, we were so giddy, and couldn't believe that we were husband and wife.  We sat up talking about the day, telling stories, and went to bed absolutely content with the day we made a lifetime commitment to eachother.

It's amazing how much things stay the same, yet change in two years.  I never would have thought that just 2 years later, we'd be preparing for the next big adventure of our lives: having a baby girl together.  The past two years have brought so much laughter and happiness and love.  We've also had some tests - being in law school and the balancing act that it requires has surely taught us a lot about ourselves, and about how strong our relationship is.  We've traveled, met new friends, fallen out with other friends, settled into life as a married couple, had family issues, been through happy and sad times.  But I have to say, one of the best things that has happened is being reassured that through it all, the relationship we have together can withstand all of it.  And the coolest thing that's happened over the past two years?  Well, besides the fact that I get to spend everyday with my husbby.  We've created a little one.  And we cannot wait to meet her in just a few weeks.

I am constantly reminded of how amazing Ian is.  He is the most patient, genuine, and truly kind person I've ever met.  And not just with me - he's the kindest person to everyone.  When I am quick to judge, he constantly reminds me to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Even when people are rude to him, he remains calm and kind to them.  He is such a blessing in my life, and hubby, I love you.  But those three words just don't seem to be enough! 

Happy Anniversary, Ian!

Conversation from Last Night

Ian and I were laying in bed last night, talking about baby girl's arrival.  I mentioned that I want to go ahead and book a photographer for her newborn photos and was giving him the information I had received yesterday.

Me: Yeah so I want to go ahead and set it up.  She'll only be this little once and I want some beautiful pictures to document it.

Ian: Okay that sounds good.  When will we book it for since we don't know when she's coming?  And what exactly are newborn photos?

Me: I'm not sure about the timing - I'll have to touchbase to figure that part out.  The photographer will come to our house and take lots of cute pictures of her, and probably quite a few of you and me with her.

Ian: Oh no.  Do I have to go shirtless?

WHAT?!  I don't think that's part of newborn baby photos, honey.  Sometimes, he says the strangest things that make me laugh hysterically.  I love my hubs.

Sleeping Beauty

As part of our birthing technique, we are supposed to listen to a 20 minute relaxation cd everyday. We can listen to it as we're going to sleep, and if we fall asleep during it, it's okay as long as you start getting into the relaxation first.

Well we've been trying to do it every night for over a week.  And by trying - I mean that I have been doing it without Ian because as soon as I turn that sucker on, Ian is OUT.  He falls asleep immediately.  As in, he doesn't even make it through a full minute of the cd.

On Tuesday night at our second birthing class (which was great by the way), we did a relaxation exercise.  We were told to bring a yoga mat and pillows to be comfortable.  We both laid down and got into comfortable positions.  Ian and I were holding hands as we started the exercise.  The exercise consists of the instructor walking us through a scenario and you following along in your mind (and sometimes you move a certain body part, like your hand or foot or something).  I was holding onto Ian's right hand about 10 minutes into this relaxation exercise, when we were instructed to lift our right arms.  When he didn't move, I realized he had already fallen asleep.  In class.  In a room full of people.  Realizing what had happened, I gave him a nudge.  It's one thing if he falls asleep in the comfort of our home, in our bed.  But we're on an office floor and in class at 8:00pm. 

That exercise was a waste for me, as I kept coming out of relaxation/hypnosis because he was freaking flinching in his sleep.  And because we were laying so close, every time we were instructed to do something and I could feel that he wasn't doing it, I was getting annoyed.

On the way home I expressed my annoyance that I've been doing these exercises for over a week now, and he has yet to get through more than 5 minutes of one.  He tried to excuse it by saying the relaxation cd must really work - yeah, BS! 

So last night, he started the cd earlier than me in an effort to try to stay awake.  He made it through 3/4's of it before falling asleep.  Progress!!  But then he had the nerve to say this morning that if he were the one carrying the baby, that he'd probably sleep through labor as long as the relaxation cd was on repeat.  Hmmm, I don't think so honey.

It's a good thing I'm carrying this baby because at least hopefully I'll be prepared for this labor (unlike sleeping beauty).

Dinner and a (Scary) Movie

As I've had a few days off from school, I've been getting back into cooking.  Two nights ago, I was in the mood for spaghetti bolognese.  I used this recipe by Emeril - and it was absolutely fantastic.  I would recommend if you're going to make it, cutting back on the cinnamon and nutmeg.  Otherwise, follow it to a T.

We also watched The Lovely Bones.  Before the movie even started, Ian said "why are we watching this?  you don't do well with scary movies."  I'm not really sure why I ever added it to our netflix queue - I think maybe because we had heard it was a good movie from someone.  Well - I hate having to admit this - but he was right.  I am SUCH a little girl when it comes to movies that have anything scary in them.  I closed my eyes through some of the parts.  The funny thing is - the movie isn't even that scary of a movie.  It just deals with a really creepy topic and character.  I was happy when it was over - wishing I had skipped seeing it all together, especially since I didn't even think it was that great of a movie.

We went to bed that night and when I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, I could not get out of bed.  I laid there, willing myself to get out of bed, to not be afraid.  Instead, I gently tapped Ian's shoulder, "honey - can you walk me to the bathroom? I'm scared from the movie."  Meanwhile, our bathroom is about 8 steps from our bed - but I have to pass the steps on the way because it's in the hallway.  Luckily, Ian just got out of bed and walked me there and waited and then walked me back.

I'm embarrassed to admit it...but I woke him again the following night to do the same thing.  I guess next time he'll make sure I don't watch scary movies so he doesn't have to get up with me in the middle of the night.  I'm surprised he wasn't more irritated at having to do this both nights in a row.  But I guess he knew what he was getting into when he married someone who is a weeny with scary movies.  But it's times like these that I think, I am one lucky lady.  Sorry honey!

Pain in the butt...literally

Yesterday, I started getting a slight pain in my butt.  Throughout the day, it seemed to get worse and worse.  By last night, the pain was radiating from my lower back all the way down my butt.  I looked it up, and it seems like it's sciatica, which is quite common during pregnancy.

I mentioned on Tuesday that I was scheduled for my first appointment with the new midwife group.  Well, they ended up needing to postpone the appointment to Saturday because they still hadn't received my records from the old OB's office.  Annoying - but it also means that Ian will get to go with me on Saturday so it's fine.

I'll be sure to talk to her about the pain in my butt.  I read that it typically means that the baby has moved into the proper position - head down - and that the weight of everything presses on that particular nerve and it causes pain.  If the pain means baby girl is in the right position, then I'll deal with it!

Pregnancy certainly makes for some bonding moments with husband that I never thought I'd experience.  He gave me a long lower back and butt massage last night because of the horrible pain.  The whole time...he was giggling.  I guess all of these funny (although somewhat embarrassing moments, remember the peeing story?) bonding moments are just preparation for that huge moment when baby comes out and hubby sees things he can never prepare himself for. 

Ahh, the joys of pregnancy :)  I wouldn't trade it.

Gloomy Monday

It's a gloomy Monday, but it's kind of better this way because I am in crunch mode.  Final HUGE paper due tomorrow, exam on Wednesday, exam on Friday, exam next Monday.  Praying I get through this week without losing my sanity.

4 random things for you today (and they are unrelated to each other):

1.  The glider and ottoman are arriving today and I cannot WAIT!

2.  Places that ban certain breeds of dogs are CRAZY! (and I'm not just saying that out of the blue - I've done my research and seriously, the laws suck, cost money, and are completely ineffective).

3.  I am madly in love with my husband (for lots of reasons - hopefully will have time to discuss them in more detail this week.  But right this second...I'm loving that he got me dunkin donuts decaf coffee so I could make some this morning.)

4.  I think baby girl found my left rib cage this morning.  She's been playing with my most bottom rib.  Oh, and I found 1 stretch mark.  Eek!

Mix by Hand

Recently I discussed with the hubby that because my school schedule is so busy for the rest of the semester with final projects and papers and exam studying, that I can't be responsible for dinner every night.  So he agreed to take on dinner duty for Sunday and Tuesday nights.  Last night was his first night.

He made a mean meatloaf with a big salad on the side.  It was super yummy - and even better, it didn't require him to go to the store for any ingredients.  We've really been trying to not go to the store as often.  We're trying to clean out stuff off our shelves and stuff in the freezer because in just a few months, we'll have lots of baby stuff that needs space in the kitchen, freezer and refrigerator (for the bottles, sterilizer, storage bags, breastmilk in the freezer, etc.). 

While he made the meatloaf, I quickly mixed a ready made-mix for apple crisp and stuck it in the oven at the same time as the meatloaf.  We also realized we had very old bananas so Ian decided to make homemade banana bread to use them up.  I was getting something in the kitchen when I heard Ian say it was time to mix the batter.  I glanced over a few seconds later to see HIS HANDS IN THE BATTER, mushing it all together with his fingers.  When the recipe said mix by hand, he did not understand that this meant with a spoon as opposed to using an electric mixer.  I laughed so hard I peed a bit (fabulous symptom of pregnancy, let me tell you).   

Other things from this weekend: went to Stacy's bridal shower on Friday night, rearranged the stuff in the kitchen cabinets, ordered our stroller, got a new big bookcase for our bedroom to clear out some stuff in the family room (our small bookcase has run out of room), got a slow cooker on major sale for $30, made pulled-pork on Saturday, talked to Buy Buy Baby and figured out what happened to our registry, returned some stuff at Crate & Barrel and Bed Bath & Beyond, went to church.  Oh and all of that stuff accomplished was done by my lovely hubby (except for Stacy's bridal shower and talking to Buy Buy Baby). 

All I did all weekend: wrote my paper.  Seriously, I am so lucky to be married to Ian. 

And now, I'm back to writing.

15 Weeks

Finally, I have a belly bump picture.  But I have to tell you, I don't really have much of a bump.  I just look kind of plump.  But here you go:

Everyone says I'm not showing - only me and Ian can see that my belly has grown.  I think I may just be one of those people that pops suddenly - we shall see! 

The baby is now about the size of a navel orange.  He/she is about 4 inches long and 2.5 ounces (about the weight of a small apple).

My energy is coming back little by little and it feels amazing!  If my boobs weren't still killing, and I wasn't feeling dizzy occasionally (from low blood pressure), I'd almost say I feel close to normal. 

Other random symptoms: some mild crampiness from my belly and uterus stretching and my belly tickles all of the sudden (again, from the stretching) and I have to immediately scratch it to make it go away.

My latest craving: chocolate milk.  I can't seem to make enough.  Thank goodness for lactose free milk and hershey's chocolate syrup - they are making me a happy pregnant lady.

Finally, every few days Ian will stare at my stomach, or rub my belly, and announce that he cannot wait for me to get big and fat.  At least that makes one of us!  I think he feels odd rubbing my belly right now because there really isn't much of a belly there, and he can't feel the baby move yet (nor can I).  I think when I'm bigger and he can feel the baby kick, he'll feel more a part of the pregnancy and be more apt to talk to the baby. 

I've been seeing lots of babies recently - pictures of babies and babies in real life (or maybe I'm just more observant of all of them around me now).  And every single time I do, I turn to Ian and say "I can't believe we're going to have our own BABYYYYYYYYYY [imagine me saying this word in a high squealy voice] in less than 6 months!!!!"  It seems like for so long, having a baby was this life long dream.  And to have the dream become a reality in 6 months - I thank God everyday that we get to become parents so soon.  Truly feeling blessed.

Another First Day

Today was my first day back at classes after over a month break.  And like every other first day of the semester, I woke up SO nervous.  Actually, the nerves were probably a good thing because I was wide awake at 7:55a.m. and realized that neither Ian nor I had set our alarms.  I needed to wake up at 8 but it meant Ian was an hour late getting up.

I ate some breakfast and prepared my bookbag and a lunch to take with me.  All the while, completely nervous.  I get nervous for the amount of work, whether I'll like my professors, whether I'll like the subject matter in each class, and whether I'll know people in each of my classes.  But this semester also presents more things that I was nervous about.

Last semester, my pregnancy was still a secret - so I really focused on school when I was there and acted as if life was normal.  The past month, I've been able to get excited about becoming a Mom, research baby stuff (furniture, bedding, room decor, oh I could go on and on about everything I've looked into!), and generally I allowed myself to think about the baby lots during the day.

Going back to school as the pregnant girl is weird for me.  I've certainly seen a few pregnant women during my law school time - but they normally stick out like sore thumbs because they are that few and far between.  Will people treat me the same, and take me as a serious law school student? Will I be able to be the type of mom I want to be while I'm in school?  Will I be the type of wife I want to be when I'm juggling time between the baby and school?  All of these questions came rushing into my mind as I wandered around school today.

As I was getting ready this morning, I looked down, cradled my belly, and said "baby, you're coming to law school with me today and it'll be the first time you'll be there now that you have functioning ears!" This baby is along for the law school ride - all of it.

So yes, I am scared because I don't know the answers to all of those questions.  But I do know this: I love this baby so much already and I have to think that our love for the baby, and our love for one another (Ian and me) will help get us through anything.  And if I stick out like a sore thumb?  So be it.  It just feels weird because it's new.  I am serious about law school, but I am serious about being the best Mom I can be to our kids.  I hope I can learn to balance my independence with being a Mom, so that it can show our kids that they too can be successful, educated people with strong family values and a fantastic marriage.  I want it all - that's not too much to ask for, right?

Whether to Find Out

The lovely Nanette asked a question that has been a very common question: are you going to find out the sex of the baby?

I'm on the fence.  Well, not so much on the fence.  I actually want to wait until the baby is born.  Ian - cannot stand the idea of waiting.  Ultimately, we've decided we're likely going to find out the sex of the baby for one main reason.

The baby is due July 20th, and I start back to school at the end of August.  That means I only have 4 weeks at home with the baby before I go back to school.  And that's IF the baby is on time - which, for a first time pregnancy, the likelihood of being on time or early are pretty slim.  For me, those first few weeks are going to be filled - I'll be learning to be a new mom, I'll be breastfeeding and not sleeping as much, and I'll want to soak in as much time with the baby as possible.  I've heard that those first few weeks leave you in a fog.  Also, I'll be preparing to go back to school - getting my books, doing my reading, etc.  That doesn't leave a whole lot of time for me to be running to different baby stores to exchange outfits, or to buy more outfits for the correct gender.

Because of all of that, it really just makes sense for us to find out.  It will take away some of the stress at a time that will be all new to me.  But as much as it makes sense logically, there is a part of me that is disappointed we'll be finding out early.  There's something about going through labor and having that anticipation of not knowing whether you will have a daughter or son that thrills me, and that anticipation makes me think that labor might be a little easier (not less painful) if you still have a surprise.

At the end of the day, I have to think of what's best for us at this point in our lives.  The timing just seems too tight to leave that kind of a surprise.  As of right now, we'll be finding out the gender in about 5-7 weeks.  Wow, after typing that, I got a little butterfly - it makes me excited.  Maybe finding out isn't such a bad idea :)

Surprise!

I've been keeping a secret from my readers - and I'm so excited to finally fill you in.  On November 14th, two weekends before Ian's first marathon, Ian got up early to start getting ready for his last big training run.  I normally sleep through him getting up, but will hear him up and around.  It makes me go in and out of sleep, and normally leads to me having weird dreams that I remember.

I woke up to him watching the morning news downstairs.  I knew he must be stretching.  Then I recalled the dream I'd just had.  I had a dream I was pregnant.  It was so vivid and felt so real.  Once I was fully awake, I thought about when I should be getting my period, and realized I was a few days late, which isn't entirely abnormal for me.  I decided to head to the bathroom and take a pregnancy test.  But with what felt like period cramps, I figured it would show up negative.  I started washing my hands and cleaning up the sink area when I looked down at the test.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the plus sign forming.  Pregnant?  We weren't planning on this - I mean we were planning for a family - but not right now.  Could this be right?  I was officially 4 days late.

I calmly went to our bedroom and put on normal clothes and then called down to Ian to come upstairs.  He hesitated, asking what I needed.  I just asked that he come upstairs.  He sighed and I heard his footsteps.  My heart was racing, and my hands were shaking.  He turned the corner and I said, I think I am pregnant.

Now, I don't know what I was expecting his response to be.  Excitement, surprise, crying?  Nope, none of those.  He went into panic mode.  He kind of paused in a blank stare like Ross when he finds out Rachel is pregnant.  We sat down on the bed together and just sat quietly.  He grabbed the home pregnancy instructions to read over them again, asking me ridiculous questions like "did you accidentally get the test wet before you peed on it?" and other crazy things.  I think it's just shocking because you imagine that getting pregnant will be a to-do project.  You don't imagine it just happening.  And Ian, he's a need to see to believe type of guy.  After a few minutes, it finally settled in.  And then, we just hugged and snuggled, while I laughed about his ridiculous response.

I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember where he went for his run after finding out such big news.  Once it finally all settled in (although we're still kind of in a state a shock), we were filled will all kinds of emotions.   Obvious excitement, disbelief, surprise, and somewhat nervous.

Ian, being the type of person that has to see to believe, needed more confirmation.  We picked up another home pregnancy test during the day.  When you're super early on, you're more likely to get a false negative if you don't pee on the stick at your first pee of the morning (your hormone levels are most high in the morning).  So I decided to take the pregnancy test in the afternoon on that same Saturday.  And once again, our pregnancy was confirmed.

When I brought the test out and showed him, he asked with a big smile on his face, "so we're definitely having a baby?".  Yes, we certainly are!  (Excuse the horrible pic - I am sans makeup and I hadn't showered yet).

On December 4th, we had our first doctor's appointment where blood results confirmed that we're expecting.  Then, on December 10th we went in for our first ultrasound and got to see the little guy/gal.

Really, we couldn't decipher what was what on the ultrasound, but we got to see and hear our baby's heartbeat - a healthy 150 beats per minute.  I started crying immediately.  Ian was beaming.  It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.  Nothing can really prepare you for that moment.  No matter how much someone tells you about how special that moment will be, nothing can describe it.

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat at our second appointment last week and were thrilled once again by that whooshing sound. 

The news has finally settled in.  Our families are ecstatic.  Our friends are thrilled.  And we, we are filled with excitement and pride.  I can't help but feel completely blessed to have had this just happen, without us planning it.  And although it will present some obstacles (I start back to school for my 3rd and final year just 4 short weeks after baby arrives, assuming this baby is on time), we are incredibly hopeful for our future as the three of us.  We already talk to the baby everyday.  We are planning for his/her arrival on a daily basis.  We already are in love with this baby so much.  I tell him/her everyday.

We are the first of our closest friends to go through this - so I'm kind of lost in terms of what are good websites, baby products, pregnancy products, etc.  So I'm counting on some of my saavy readers to fill me in on the secrets.  I can't wait to share this process with you!

2010 is going to be a year of newness, excitement, laughter, and lots of love.  I'm loving this year already.

Spoiled

Having so much vacation time with Ian over the holidays truly spoiled me.  Last week was his first full week back at work, and everyday I felt a little bummed out being at home by myself.  I missed goofing around with him, eating a lengthy breakfast, going out for lunch, or just laying on the couch watching TV or movies.  I loved having the time off with him.

By Friday, I was so relieved to have time with him over the weekend.  We met up with lots of friends this weekend.  Friday night I went to a girls-night-in party and the hostess had arranged a sex toys party.  It provided lots of laughs with girls I don't see very often.  Saturday, we had lunch with Kim and her hubby at one of our favorite places.  We always have lots of laughs with those two.  And yesterday, we met up with my friends Annie, Nick (and his gf) and Josh (and his gf) for brunch.  Meals with Nick and Josh tend to involve very inappropriate topics and the boys inevitably embarrass us with their loudness - always good times.  I hadn't seen this group in awhile - so it was so great to catch up with them - I really miss living near them.

We had a fabulous weekend.  Now, it's Monday, and Ian's at work and I'm feeling a little bummed out once again.  But today, I'm keeping myself busy with schoolwork (I start back to school a week from tomorrow) and hope to finally break down the Christmas tree.  Yeah, I was selfish and refused to spend my time with Ian doing things like chores and taking down the tree - I wanted to snuggle and lay on the couch.  It will be good to go back to school so I can stop being a baby :)