Today was my first day back at classes after over a month break. And like every other first day of the semester, I woke up SO nervous. Actually, the nerves were probably a good thing because I was wide awake at 7:55a.m. and realized that neither Ian nor I had set our alarms. I needed to wake up at 8 but it meant Ian was an hour late getting up.
I ate some breakfast and prepared my bookbag and a lunch to take with me. All the while, completely nervous. I get nervous for the amount of work, whether I'll like my professors, whether I'll like the subject matter in each class, and whether I'll know people in each of my classes. But this semester also presents more things that I was nervous about.
Last semester, my pregnancy was still a secret - so I really focused on school when I was there and acted as if life was normal. The past month, I've been able to get excited about becoming a Mom, research baby stuff (furniture, bedding, room decor, oh I could go on and on about everything I've looked into!), and generally I allowed myself to think about the baby lots during the day.
Going back to school as the pregnant girl is weird for me. I've certainly seen a few pregnant women during my law school time - but they normally stick out like sore thumbs because they are that few and far between. Will people treat me the same, and take me as a serious law school student? Will I be able to be the type of mom I want to be while I'm in school? Will I be the type of wife I want to be when I'm juggling time between the baby and school? All of these questions came rushing into my mind as I wandered around school today.
As I was getting ready this morning, I looked down, cradled my belly, and said "baby, you're coming to law school with me today and it'll be the first time you'll be there now that you have functioning ears!" This baby is along for the law school ride - all of it.
So yes, I am scared because I don't know the answers to all of those questions. But I do know this: I love this baby so much already and I have to think that our love for the baby, and our love for one another (Ian and me) will help get us through anything. And if I stick out like a sore thumb? So be it. It just feels weird because it's new. I am serious about law school, but I am serious about being the best Mom I can be to our kids. I hope I can learn to balance my independence with being a Mom, so that it can show our kids that they too can be successful, educated people with strong family values and a fantastic marriage. I want it all - that's not too much to ask for, right?