Another...

Thought I would share another article I found that hit home.  It resonated with me as I read it.  (And it is on a Catholic site, but has nothing to do with religion).

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/to-the-mother-with-only-one-child

Wednesday, bullet style

I go from a week like last week where I post several times, to this week, where I have not had any time to post anything.  Such is life.

Here's what we have been up to, in bullet style.

• Friday L woke up with a fever (first time in months), and like always, it scared me.  After a long trip to and from the doctor, we learned she has another ear infection.  This is the third time, all in the left ear.  Poor thing.
• Sunday, I cut Luca's first piece of hair.  She had this one weird piece that was longer than all the rest and always fell on her face.  It made her look like a hot mess.  So I chopped it and put it in a little baggie to keep.  (I am not sure why it is such a big deal to keep - but everyone tells me I should so I did.  Now what do I do with it??)
• Monday we headed to Georgetown for a liver clinic appointment.  Looks like I had been underestimating how much food she is taking by mouth because little girl has gained almost 1.5 pounds in 4 weeks.  Also, at this appointment, they REMOVED HER PICC LINE!  I am sorry to put it all in caps, but it truly is something I want to scream at the top of my lungs in excitement.  We had not given Luca a bath since before transplant (that is over 13 months ago now!).  To say I was excited to be rid of that is an understatement.  Obviously, I am grateful that we had it when it was truly necessary.  But, I gave her a bath this morning and it was glorious.
• Yesterday she had a swallow study done (you can read what it was like in these two articles:  http://www.new-vis.com/fym/papers/p-feed9.htm   and http://www.chp.edu/CHP/Modified+Barium+Swallow  ).  While she was not thrilled with the test, it was quick.  There were a few tears on her part but I am happy to report that all turned out fine and the results were exactly what we wanted to hear - that everything is perfectly normal and healthy.
• We have been spending lots of time outdoors both yesterday and today because it has been unusually warm.  

I hope you all are having a wonderful week.  And here is a picture (blurry, yet I love her expression for some reason) from yesterday:

Fudge fail

I made my mom's recipe for fudge recently to take to the hospital for Luca's team.  We randomly surprise them with something little - normally horribly bad-for-you food - just as a little thank you.  I realized partly into cooking the fudge that I had added the chocolate too soon into the base.  I knew right away that this likely would mess up the recipe.  But poured it into containers anyways and hoped for the best.  I set it outside to set and before leaving for the hospital the next morning I saw this:

And this - notice the mark on the wood.

Clearly, the animal did not like the fudge.

P.S. - I did not take that batch to the hospital.  The sugar did not dissolve properly because of me messing up the order.  I made a new batch, that was made correctly, and not disturbed by anything outside.   And it tasted delicious.

The weather recently

It has been a very mild winter here just outside of D.C.  We have had some very cold weather, but it has yet to produce any measurable amount of snow.  Saturday, we woke up to enough snow that it covered the ground (but not enough that the grass blades were completely covered).  It was pretty and peaceful and quiet.  I bundled Luca up and met Ian outside as he came home from a run.  She was not too thrilled with wearing a hat, but she loved looking around at all the white.

A stressful today

Tonight, as I took a bite of pork dumplings that I had just cooked because I didn't have time to make a real dinner, I sighed as I looked down and saw Tessa staring at me expectantly.  Ian was putting Luca to bed, and while I wished I could just sit and have a few minutes to eat by myself, my pup had not been walked since Ian left for work this morning.

It was a very long day.  I had to do a run to costco to get a few things, but it happens to be about a 35 minute drive each way.  That does not seem like a bad thing, until you factor in a child who is unhappy in the car these days because it straps her down.  I continually hand individual toys back to her until she tires of it, then is ready for a new one.  I keep a stash of items in the car specifically for this little game, but she will easily make it through the stash within 15 minutes, then becomes restless and just wants out of the carseat.  It makes car rides full of anxiety for me, and tests my patience every single day. Costco was full of maniac last-minute shoppers.  I patiently manuevered my way through the store, getting my normal items (diapers, wipes, keurig coffee, trash bags, etc.).  I even kept my patience as I held a screaming Luca in my arms while trying to check-out.

Then, I dropped off the cold items back at the house, picked up my goddaughter, and headed to stop #2 - the mall.  I have mentioned before that I hate malls.  I get overwhelmed and hot and feel the need to escape almost as soon as I get to the parking lot.  I will spare you the details of this trip but consider it safe to say that it was a lot worse for my anxiety being that we are 3 days before Christmas and extremely crowded.  And with Luca there, I was so worried about the germs surrounding her.

Finally, we made it to stop #3 - the liquor store for a couple last minute items. 

By the time I made it home, I had been gone on errands for 6 hours.  Luca had reached her breaking point.  I was in the same boat.

Then I got home, and Tessa was in my face, wanting attention.  I had no more patience.  But I put on my raincoat and boots, and headed out into the rain to walk her.  It was cool, but not too cold.  And the rain felt good.  I pulled the hood back from my face and let the rain hit my skin.  I listened around me and heard sirens in the distance.  Then once those faded, I heard the pitter-patter as the rain hit the pavement.  I heard Tessa's collar chiming as she walked through the grass.  I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths and let the rain wash away the stress of the day. 

I took my time walking her, in no rush to go back inside.  And as I walked, I purposely reminded myself of all I have to be grateful for.  And I thanked God for all of my blessings, even on a demanding day.  I walked back inside, dried Tessa's paws, hung up my coat, sat back down, took a bite of the remaining dumplings, and took a big sip of wine, feeling much better afterall.

Not a wordless Wednesday

Lots of random tidbits today.

• Here's a video of Luca walking.  She started walking unassisted a couple weeks ago but it was never for very far, and I was always too closeby her (in case she fell) to take a video of it.  Now that she is walking with a bit more confidence, and I, too, have more confidence in her walking, I finally captured it. 

• I made Saltine Toffee Cookies and was planning on packaging them up in small containers for some various people.  But, seeing as I ate a lot of it, it looks like I will have to make another batch, and then quickly package it up before I eat anymore.
• Ian and I dress Luca in comfortable outfits.  And often, they are some crazy outfits.  I often wonder what people think when they see her out in public.  Half the time she looks like a hot mess.  But she is comfy and happy, and I cannot keep up with the amount of laundry she goes through so it normally means that the matching pants or onesie or sweater is dirty.  Oh well!
• We sent about 80 Christmas cards this year.  Obviously, we included some people who we are not that close with, mostly because some of these people have been amazingly generous with thoughts or prayers or tokens for Luca or us over the past year.  I sent them a Christmas card with a little note saying thanks.  I was not expecting anything in return.  But we have received probably 20 Christmas cards back from these various people since they received our card.  It was very clear after receiving about 10, that people had already sent out their cards and received ours and felt bad that they had not sent one to us, so they quickly sent one out to us.  It is absolutely sweet of them, but now I feel bad that they felt bad that we had not gotten a card from them.  The circle of guilt continues I guess.
• A close family friend passed away this morning.  It was certainly expected, but watching his family in pain is so devastating.  And it always amazes me how many people die around Christmas time.  I kind of like to think that people let go around this time because of the spirit and peace that this holiday brings.
• We have no scheduled admissions coming up because finally, Luca is free of all drains in her bile ducts.  As long as her labs stay stable, and she shows no symptoms of biliary issues, they will remove her PICC line in the next month and we will return to the hospital for labs and checkups only.  To get to this place has taken a lot of hardwork, heartache, tears, prayers.  And holy moly, I am so looking forward to giving my girl a bath when that PICC comes out!  Thanking God for the progress.
• I thought we had all of our Christmas shopping finished until we wrapped everything last night and I realized we need a few more things for people.  I plan on finishing up today or tomorrow...nothing like some last minute shopping.

Random thoughts on a Monday

• Since Luca began crawling, she is moving so quickly through these milestones, it really is amazing to see.  Every time a family member sees her, she is doing something new.
• We are getting used to living here.  We love the house.  It is quiet and relaxing and just what we need.  What we do not need are the spiders and ants and bees that come along with living in the suburbs.  That part is taking more time to get used to!
• I had my 10 year high school reunion this weekend.  I debated on whether to go but am really happy I did.
• On our way home from the reunion, I looked down and noticed that my grandmother's ring, my most favorite piece of jewelry (except my engagement and wedding band), was no longer on my hand.  I freaked out.  We spent Sunday back in DC, tracing our footsteps.  We looked in the garage and spoke to the garage employee (who was super kind and helpful).  We spoke with the restaurant, and the manager was incredibly kind and helpful.  But nothing turned up.  I knew it was just a material thing, but the fact that it was my grandmother's makes it a very emotional belonging for me.  I prayed to St. Anthony, but knew that it was gone.  Until today.  I went into our 2nd bathroom, the one I got ready in on Saturday, the one I never go in.  I looked for toilet paper, and glanced up, and there was my ring, shining back at me on the counter.  I flipped out.  I seriously do not know how it ended up in our bathroom.  But I am feeling incredibly grateful, and silly at the same time.
• Luca has three teeth coming in all at once.  She is, for the most part, handling it like a champ!

Thursday Randomness

I miss blogging!  This really is an outlet for me and I need to somehow find some more time to post more often than this once-a-week nonsense.  I have plenty to write about, but just have been busy.  I know I know, everyone is busy.  But this moving business is making me a crazy lady.  Here is some Thursday randomness.

I have been wearing scrunchies lately.  Because didn't you hear they are coming back in style?  No?  Yeah, Ian agrees with you.  When he saw me wearing one he said "what is this, 1990?"  Why am I wearing scrunchies?  Oh because my child has been yanking hair out of my head.  So I have all of this whispies around my face.  She can't yank as hard when my hair gives a little bit.

I am playing fantasy football and our draft night was last night.  It felt really great to go do something and not have it revolve around being a mom, Luca's health, etc.  I also think this was the 3rd time I have gone and done something for myself since Luca was born.  I need to work on doing this more often.

Photo books are expensive to order!

Had an awesome sandwich recently:  Multi-grain bread, mayo, lettuce, smoked turkey, havarti, bacon, and smashed bbq chips.  AMAZING.  Try it.

The latest

Hi everyone!  I have been a terrible blogger.  With Luca finally being mobile (she is scooting and falling everywhere), it means my days are busy, busy, busy.  Here's the latest.

• We have a new place to live!  Finally!  And we are SO excited about it.  I will write a separate post about the house and the upcoming move.
• Luca is mobile...I mentioned that already...but this is HUGE news for us.
• Luca was hospitalized on Monday through Wednesday of this week.  It was a scheduled admission and we received mixed news.  But luckily we are back home and she is still acting well, for which I am so grateful.
• I tried Talenti Belgian Milk Chocolate and HOLY MOLY, it is the best thing I have tasted in awhile.
• We survived our 2nd earthquake on Tuesday.  I was on the 5th floor of the hospital with Luca when it happened, and it was scary.  I definitely feel for our west coast family and friends now!
• Everyone is freaking our about hurricane Irene coming near us this weekend.  I feel rather indifferent about it.  I will be busy packing anyway.
• I watched the Tudors and fell in love with that show.  Also, Henry Cavill is hot.
• I am sharing a team for fantasy football and am SO excited to be a part of it.  I played 2 years ago, but not last year. 

Have a good weekend!

Random thoughts on a Monday

• I need to update this blog with photos, stories, and a letter to Luca on her 1st birthday.
• We managed to stay out of the hospital for her first birthday, and the birthday party.  There are no words to describe how grateful I am for that.
• We are desperate to find a new place to live.  More stories to follow about that process.
• Speaking of finding a new place to live - we now are questioning whether we should rent, but have no idea how much we would qualify for since only one of us is employed.
• I would love to make money somehow - even just a couple hundred per month.  But I have no idea how to make that happen.
• I was grocery shopping a few weeks ago and the woman in front of me, probably in her 20's, had full armpit hair.  I was so shocked and confused at the same time.  And she was wearing a skirt, and did not have hair on her legs.  I was immediately impressed that she felt comfortable like that (in a tank-top nonetheless), but also very disturbed by it.  I think I would be uncomfortable like that.
• I am still pumping.  My supply is extremely low - only a few ounces per day.  But I am just going to keep going until my boobs tell me I am done.  As long as I am getting any, I will keep pumping.  I am at a point where I am okay mentally with not being able to pump often (only a few times per day), and knowing that she is at least getting a few ounces of breastmilk per day.  She has gotten breastmilk for her entire first year - and for me, I am thrilled with that.

I will leave you with one picture until I can get a proper picture post up.  I took it in Luca's room a couple weeks ago and I just love how she looks like she is posing.

A topic I normally do not touch

I normally stay away from all political talk.  I have my own opinions about things but do not strictly follow one party or another.  I vote for who I think will do best, not for a specific party.  Some may call this approach wishy-washy, but it works for me so that is what I do.

Last night's presidential address, and the response to it, has hit me hard.  I felt like Obama went through the pros and cons of things, and pushed for his plan with reasons.  I felt like the response from Boehner was prepared before he heard Obama's talk, and his response failed to address arguments that Obama raised.  I felt like Boehner was just bashing the President, versus addressing and arguing the issues.  I just wish they each had stuck to the facts and argued their side without getting ugly.

Did anyone else feel this way?

Regardless of who you support, our government needs to get their act together.  At the end of the day, I think an agreement needs to be made, and at this late in the game, it will only happen through compromise.

Housing search

Over the past three months, we have been searching for a new place to live.  It means that we are moving over an hour from where we currently live. It means finding a new place to rent that fits our needs. Our needs are:

• more closet space
• great neighborhood
• must be close to our price range
• better commute to the hospital, while still being an okay commute for Ian
• no high-rise apartment building

Sadly, the area we are moving to is a much pricier county. We knew it would mean sacrificing on how new or updated the place is, and possibly on the size (we currently have a 3 bedroom, but know that we might have to sacrifice and get a 2 bedroom). But as long as it was clean and healthy for Luca, we'd make it work.

Well, a place kind of fell into our laps. A 4-bedroom house, just slightly over our budget, in a great neighborhood, a fantastic commute for both of us, and a lot more space. It certainly is an old house - no updates to the kitchen or bathrooms, but hardwoods throughout (that are not in the best shape) and a fenced backyard. We were super excited.  We said we needed to see the house once they were finished with the work before we signed a lease.

They started working on fixing some stuff up in the house - it needed to be repainted and they tore up the old carpet in the bedrooms. The house had not been occupied in over 7 months so it was kind of stale.

Then, I tried to make a better deal. We would take care of refinishing all of the hardwoods (all two stories!), we would sign a 2-year lease instead of a 1-year lease, and we would get the house cleaned instead of them doing it, if they would drop the price by $100-$150 per month.

Any business person would have looked at this and said, refinishing of hardwoods alone would make up for that difference in rent.  The increase in value would be a bonus.

Instead, the real estate agent listing the house got pissed.  She avoided saying she would even present our offer to the owners.  I finally just asked her to present it and get back to us.  That was 4 weeks ago.  I called her over 2 weeks ago and she said she was waiting to hear back from the owners.  And I still have not heard back.

I am angry.  Even if she did not agree with our offer, or thought it was a terrible idea, she could have kindly replied "I do not think the owners will agree but I will ask them and get back to you."  She could be cordial and nice.  Instead, I got attitude and a lack of respect.

So, Ian and I have decided to walk away.  We are so hoping to find a new place that meets our needs.  When that happens, I desperately want this real estate agent to call me back and say that the house is available for us, and me say "oh, we signed for another house.  Have a fine day."

We searched for places yesterday.  We saw three places.  1 - we didn't love.  The bedrooms were small and everything just seemed kind of eh.  Nothing updated, and not as close to town as we'd like, and was also the highest price.  2 - perfect and we would love it except the previous tenants smoked.  It has already been repainted and the carpets have been replaced in some areas, while other areas are hardwoods.  And it still smells terrible.  Not sure we can do much to change this.  3 - if it was just Ian and I, this 2 bedroom condo would have been great.  If it had a 3rd bedroom, we would take it.  But it was just too small for all that comes with Luca (medical supplies in addition to all of her baby crap).

We have not had much luck with finding anything on craigslist.  We have mostly been using our realtor, and looking on real estate websites as well.  How do you find where you're going to live?

Random Thoughts on a Monday

I have lots of updates and randomness going on.  Here's what's been going on.

Luca had a scheduled procedure 1 week ago.  It was a big step and we are currently on edge waiting to see if her body will handle it.  So far, she has been fever free and happy.  I have been praying multiple times per day that she remains so.

We were discharged last Wednesday and I have been soaking in my time at home with L.  She has been so happy, chatty, and active.  Instead of feeling guilty for walking away from the computer and my cell phone, I have been thinking how lucky I am to be at home with her.  I have really taken a step back and though there is still a part of me that feels guilty for neglecting messages, emails, facebook, etc., I have one little being that is more important than all of that.  I am learning to let go and enjoy these sweet moments.

My heart is aching for this family.  I came across their blog just a few short days before they lost their beautiful boy.  The way they have handled his horrific diagnosis, and the whirlwind that followed, has been amazing to see.  They have handled it with such grace that I have been left speechless and in awe.

We made pork chops on the grill last night using this marinade.  It was amazing.

We made salmon on the grill using this marinade.  It, too, was amazing.

I watched the first season of Glee on netflix.  I am now addicted.

Speaking of netflix, I am appalled at the price increase.

I decided to reread the last Harry Potter book to prepare to watch the movie.  I had not read it since it first came out.  It made me remember how much I loved the series of books.

If you are holding L anywhere near the laptop, she takes a lunge for it.  She is obsessed with it.

When Ian calls to tell me he is on his way home, I take L outside and sit on our front steps and wait for him to get home.  It has become one of my favorite times of day with her.  She stares in wonder at the sky, the leaves on the trees as they rustle in the breeze, the people walking by, the birds.  It is like seeing things for the first time through her eyes.

More updates coming soon now that I have a keyboard that works :)

iPad and apps

This is the first time I have had my iPad while Luca has been admitted. (this was a scheduled admission and she is fine.)

I am loving this! I can blog and stay connected and listen to music and answer emails.

So, question to my tech-savvy readers, what are your favorite apps for your iPhone or iPad?

One specific app I am searching for is one that I can keep a journal of what happens during hospital stays and appointments. A place to record lab values, med dose changes, questions I have, who our nurse is for each shift, and other various tidbits. Any ideas?

Technical difficulties

I am having computer issues and hope to have a new post up with many pictures later today (if my computer decides to cooperate).


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Random Thursday Thoughts

• I think it is hilarious when Luca's tush gets stuck in the bumbo.  She, does not think it is hilarious - she thinks it is attacking her and looks at it and cries.

• I officially have an iPad and am obsessed.
• Every time Ian's brother comes from France, he brings a few boxes of french cereal.  This particular cereal is addicting - chocolate crispy on the outside, with a creamy chocolate filling.  It tastes more like a cookie than a cereal.  It is the perfect combination of sweet and salty. (Read - not a nutritious breakfast, unless you need a sugar jolt.)
• Our house is overloaded with baby crap.  The swing, the bouncy chair, the sitting chair, the bumbo, toys, blankets, medical supplies.  And I trip every single day over something.  And every time it happens I am grateful Ian isn't there to witness it (and laugh at me).
• I have a 1st birthday outfit for Luca.  It's absolutely adorable in every sense of the word.  It also comes with bloomers, and a hair piece that makes her look like she is going to an English wedding.  That part makes me laugh.
• I have a kangaroo pouch (aka, skin leftover from pregnancy that just will.not.budge.)
• Sometimes, I look at the clock and think "holy hell, it cannot be only 45 minutes since Ian left for work. That clock must be wrong."
• And a piece of TMI - my period has been much more painful ever since I had Luca.  I wonder every month if that is normal. (Note to self, must ask dr next time I see her.)

Special Forces

I have a few posts I am working on and hope to get one up today.  In the meantime, this was passed along to me and it hit home.  It is an article that really is quite amazing.

Special Forces

Random Thursday Happenings

• We came home last night with Luca.  She was admitted Monday night for a procedure on Tuesday.  This was the shortest hospital stay we have ever had.  Thank God.
• Luca finally has her first tooth.  She is 10 1/2 months old.  How insane is that?!  But it turns out that the steroid she was on immediately after transplant to suppress her immune system can delay teeth from coming in.  Who knew?!
• Luca has on occasion been fussy but generally is happy.  I think she her threshold for pain is high considering what she's been through, which has made this teething business not bad at all.
• I woke up this morning to use my breastpump and nada.  It would not turn on.  I switched to a different outlet, and it proceeded to turn on, then off then on then off, then finally, shut off completely.  then panic ensued.  Needing to use a handpump takes FOREVER and when I have a baby that required meds, it meant pumping was not going to happen.  Luckily, we bought a warranty with the pump and will be fully reimbursed for the broken one.
• On my way to BRU (babies r us) to get said new breastpump, my AC in my car stopped working.
• Inside BRU, Luca vomited all over my FIL.
• And I couldn't help but just laugh at everything that went wrong because honestly, all I care about in life are my loves and that my babe is happy, and that she is, even after puking everywhere.

While standing in line to get coffee

Thursday we had to go to the hospital to get Luca's labs and she had a doctor's appointment.  Clinic days require us to get up before 5am and be on the road by 6:30am.  We are both exhausted on these days.

When we were finished with her appointment and lab draw, we headed down to the cafe for Ian to grab a coffee (so he could stay awake on our drive home - over an hour drive).  We waited in line and all of the sudden we both spotted it.

The guy in front of us, wearing dress pants and a button down shirt, had a hole in the seam of his pants on his butt.  I got a case of the giggles.  He was leaning over looking at the yogurt selections and you could see that the hole was about 2-3 inches long.

We both felt terrible for the guy.  Then, we were caught with deciding what to do - tell the guy or not.  I was going to tell the guy, but then Ian said "no - then you'll be admitting that you were looking at his butt."  So we didn't tell him.  And I feel like a bad person for it.

What would you do?  And am I the only one who finds this type of situation hilarious?

Random Thursday Thoughts

The family we stay with made cake pops this week and all I can say is YUM.

Sometimes I feel so much love for our child that it builds up and I feel like I might burst, and then, as if it is the only way to pour out, tears drip over the brims of my eyes…Tears of joy.

I feel incredibly blessed that I married the right person for me.

I am giddy whenever Luca giggles.

My child’s feet smell even after I scrub them with soap.  She thinks it is funny.

I am afraid that last sentence is due to the fact that I have horrible feet (not smelly, just not that pretty).

I have not been home to our house in a month and it feels so odd.  I miss our bed.  And while I miss certain things, our house does not really feel like "home" anymore.  That makes me sad.

My legs get itchy right before bed.  I have no idea why.

I depend on my GPS entirely too much.

I want an iPad.

I do not have a single picture of Luca framed in our house and feel like a horrible parent because of it.

I need to make many doctor’s appointments (general check-up, midwife annual appointment, eye doctor).  But I have no idea when I will be able to go.

As I was going to sleep the other night I had one thought that kept me awake: if we move (yes, we are looking to move. Because we have nothing else going on in our lives), we have to find a new pediatrician.  I puffy heart Luca’s pediatrician so much, I even contemplated doing the (over hour) drive for her appointments, then decided that would be ridiculous.