Showing posts with label Liver Transplant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Liver Transplant. Show all posts

Friday, November 1, 2013

Little girl. Big things.

It has been a busy few weeks.  We have had two hospital admissions since September.  I have a busier semester than the previous two have been.  Our weekends have been filled with birthday parties, get-togethers, and housework.

And Tuesday we had a meeting with L's surgeon.  On Wednesday, we will head to the hospital for a longer stay.  L will be undergoing a pretty major surgery on Thursday.  And if the surgery does not work, she will be relisted for a new liver.  Oh, and the likelihood of success - about 50/50.

Sigh.

The news was pretty much what we were expecting so it did not feel like I had been punched in the gut upon hearing it.  But yesterday the emotions of it hit me.  I found myself crying on my hour ride home from school.

We have had a taste of normalcy for the past 1.5 years.  Sure, things are never really completely normal in our life.  There are meds and frequent hospital visits.  But she has had normal kid experiences too.  Playdates and birthday parties and roadtrips and swimming and school.

All of that makes this surgery that much harder.  I am sad that she has to go through something so major yet again.  I am sad that so much rides on the success of this surgery.  And also - there is a lot of fear.  Fear of what could happen.  Fear that this may not work.

Do you know that when I tell her we are going to Georgetown, she points to the vein in her arms to ask if she needs labs?  One word, Georgetown, and she knows what that means.

Or that she knows the difference between us saying "just labs" or "yes you'll need an IV"?

Or that she knows where to push on her stomach when I tell her the doctor needs to feel her liver?

Or that she knows what to expect when I tell her we need pictures of her liver?  She knows it means an ultrasound and she will need to hold still for at least 1/2 hour.

Or that she knows as soon as she sees a medical face mask (for oxygen) that she is about to be put to sleep?

She is wise beyond her years.  She is just a little girl.  But her knowledge of her body and anything medical is astounding.  It shouldn't be this way.  But it is, much like it is for any child who has experience with the medical world.

I am grateful that we have faith in her team.  Her surgeon is excellent.  The doctors and nurses caring for her are incredible.  While I hate that she has to go through this - I am grateful that we have this team.

We are praying that things go beautifully with this surgery and hospital stay.  That her body heals well.  That she is back to her happy, feisty, silly self quickly.  She is just a little girl.  And she deserves to have all of those experiences that come with it.

(My little tiger, being a little maniac.)



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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

On we go

We are finally at a point where L is excited when we mention that she is going to school.  She runs to her backpack, yells "Mama uppa" (asking if I will be picking her up from school), then "Tttessssa" (asking if Tessa will be coming with me to pick her up).  She still cries when Ian drops her off, but her teachers assure me that she calms down within a couple minutes and enjoys the rest of the day.  She is all smiles when I pick her up.  At school, she is loving PE, art and music.  She comes home with art projects on a weekly basis.  Her teachers tell me she is "head strong", as if that is news to me.  Of course she is, she has to be to fight for life!

We were prepared for a year of lots of colds since this is her first time around this many kids and we can only protect her from illness to an extent.  And thank goodness we were prepared because we are in week 3 of school and she is on her 3rd cold.  Her immune system weakness is no joke.  Fortunately, the colds have not bothered her too much and have not required any intervention until today.  Her cough has been lingering just too long and antibiotics are needed.  But she is still eating and happy so on we go.

Life has been a bit crazy since she started school.  She is going through another liver transplant complication that is scaring me to the core.  The words "relisting" and "retransplant" have been discussed, but will not be decided on for months yet.  Nonetheless, this start of the school year has been quite busy with her being in school, me being in my last semester, and with the added procedures and hospital admissions on our plate.

As a result, I am trying to take better care of my body.  Walking more regularly.  Drinking less alcohol. Eating better.  I am wearing my Fitbit religiously and trying to get outside to help with my stress levels. We also are continuing to meet up with friends and family and trying to keep life as upbeat and normal as possible.  We have the best of family and friends around us.

On we go, even with the bumps.

P.S.  The counter for TopMommyBlogs was reset.  If you like this post or regularly read my blog, would you mind clicking the link that says "Like My Blog" below?  Thank you :)



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Thursday, September 19, 2013

Two steps forward, one step back

Home after a two night stay in the hospital with L. I had a total meltdown yesterday morning.  L is having the same complication she had for a year following transplant.  It is so hard to have us back there in that position with complications, after having over 1.5 years of no major complications.  Life had begun to take on some normalcy.

I am disappointed and sad that she has to go through something else.  But it is different this time too.  She is more aware which makes it both easier and harder.  Easier because she can kind of ignore that she now has a foreign bag attached to her body.  Harder because she is less tolerant of being in the hospital, going through procedures, getting poked for labs and IVs.

There was talk of putting a PICC line in since she will need repeat procedures in the coming weeks and months.  But for now, she is PICC free.  I imagine she will end up getting one during one of her next visits.  They got an IV in on the 6th try this time, and her veins certainly will not continue to handle that for long.

The phrase repeated this entire visit, "this ain't our first rodeo."  We've been through this exact issue before.  We have the knowledge now to know what works with Luca and these procedures, and what has caused issues in the past.  We know what worked last time to fix it.

I have faith in her team.  The interventional radiologist is the chief and is excellent.  Her transplant team is experienced with this and knows L well.  The nurses...oh the nurses.  They are simply wonderful and it feels so nice to walk into a place we do not want to be, and see their faces.

Happy to be home today.  L has recovered from her procedures beautifully.  She is giggling and playing normally.  She is running around normally.  I needed to see that today.  To see her bounce back, despite what she continues to go through.  It helps me bounce back too.  She continues to teach me.  And for that, I am so grateful.

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Monday, April 22, 2013

Hospital day

We had an early start this morning.  Luca is scheduled for a sedated CT angio and EGD (scope) today.  First, we have labs, and then off to the sedation team we go.  We had to cancel these procedures about a month ago due to her ongoing congestion issues.  She has been cleared up since they gave her a round of antibiotics, treating the congestion like a sinus infection.  And it worked.  Until Saturday, when she started with cold symptoms.  Sigh.  It seems as if we cannot go more than a couple weeks without Luca getting another cold.  This winter has been full of snot, sneezing, and coughing.  In other words, disgusting.  Ah, toddlerhood.

It is likely that her procedures will be canceled today.  Another sigh. I will know more once sedation looks and listens to her.  I hate putting these procedures off longer, but obviously putting her under sedation when she is congested is a no-go unless it is an emergency (this is not).

Either way, between little girl being NPO (no food or drink) in case she does end up having the procedures, and also that she needs labs no matter what, means we are in for a hectic day for sure.  While Ian takes Luca for labs, I am heading off to another location at the hospital to meet with a member of child life to practice my speech for an upcoming event for them.

Busy day ahead.  Praying for everything to go as needed and as smoothly as possible.


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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Mommy fail

As I was waking up, something clicked in my head and I bolted upright.  Startled.  Frantic.  I grabbed my phone to call Ian.  He picked up and I asked, "by any chance did you happen to give Luca her prograf last night?"  I knew the answer before I even called him.

Prograf is her immunosuppression that keeps her liver happy.  I normally give it to her at night after she is asleep.  She was up late last night due to a stomach ache (from the antibiotics) and by the time we got her into bed I was exhausted and fell asleep.

Over two years since transplant and this is first time we forgot to give her this med.  I know these things happen (and was assured of it when I spoke with her nurse this morning) but it does not change the fact that I feel like crap about it.

Ugh.  Happy Thursday to me.  Stay happy liver.


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Monday, March 18, 2013

A little confession

I had grand plans to write about our weekend, and share how Ian and I met 8 years ago on St. Patrick's day.  This happens sometimes, where I have plans to share something, and then as good as my intentions may be, something intervenes and I do not have the energy to finish the post yet.

I am having one of those days.  Where the unknown about L's health overwhelms me.  Where I end up curled up on the couch sobbing uncontrollably while L naps.  These days do not happen as much as they used to, but it knocks the breath out of me when they do happen.

I have a little confession.  Last year, I took a couple months off from blogging.  When I came back to my blog, I never explained why the break was needed.  The truth is that mentally I was in a bad place at the beginning of 2012.  L was finally somewhat stable.  She had just had her PICC line removed at the end of January 2012 and we were spending more time at home.  That time allowed us to have some breathing room, some down time, and with that time meant I was all the sudden flooded with the bottled up emotions of the last 1.5 years.  That was confusing - she was finally stable and yet here I was not even appreciating it because I was so in over my head with the hows and whats and whys of where we were.

I found myself angry at the world.  Irritated the second I woke up.  My patience was non-existent and I took it out on Ian mostly, and felt overwhelmed taking care of L.  I knew something had to change. So I started seeing a therapist.  Best decision I could have made.

I have been with the same therapist for about a year now.  It gives me a place to let go of all of these fears.  While Ian and I share our fears and joys with each other, having a medically fragile child means very extreme fears and anxiety sometimes.  For us, we often have different fears at different times.  Is it fair to share some fear or thought about her future if the other person has not reached that fear yet?  I tend to jump ahead with fears more quickly than Ian - probably because I am the one that goes to her appointments and also researchers more than is probably helpful sometimes.  Ian tries to stay in the present as much as possible.  Seeing a therapist has allowed me to put those fears on someone else's shoulders and I am able to come home feeling refreshed.

The next few months as I was seeing my therapist, I could feel myself healing a bit.  The days where I felt overwhelmed became fewer and more spread out.  I suddenly started appreciating my everyday with Ian and L.  I started feeling more comfortable getting together with friends again.  And a year later, I am in such a better place.  I am happy every single day.  I have so much love and respect for my husband, and my heart swells with happiness watching L grow into a beautiful little lady.

But then something like today happens, and I have another one of those days.  Sadly, being in the transplant community means we witness some stories that make my heart ache.  Another transplant family lost their loved one.  Sometimes hearing of such stories makes my heart ache and I can keep moving forward.  Then, like today, my fears come out to haunt me after hearing such details.

I allow myself this short amount of time to let go of these tears, accept the fears.  They are normal and rational fears when you have a transplant child.  Something I have learned is that if I try to push the fears aside, it just hurts even more days later when they come creeping back up.  If I think about them, give myself a time limit to accept those fears as valid feelings, then I can typically move on more quickly from such a debbie downer episode.

And then when I hear L wake up, I brush the tears away, take a deep calming breath, and go in a swoop her up and soak her in.  I wrap my arms around her, touch our noses together, breathe in the scent of her sweet curls, and memorize every feature of her face as she smiles at me.  Life is good, even on a day that leaves me emotionally exhausted.




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Friday, March 15, 2013

The financial consequences of organ transplant

I often talk about the financial strain of having a child with medical issues.  I have gotten questions about why finances are an issue and I would like to shed some light on the situation, as we are certainly not the only family impacted by organ transplantation.

Consider some numbers for a moment.  In 2011, the estimated cost for liver transplant was over $500,000(source).  Even with good health insurance, it is naive to think that all of those costs are covered.  Additionally, medical costs are insanely expensive.  For example, the typical lab draw for Luca means our insurance is billed $1700 - EACH TIME.  She gets those typical labs at least once a month, and earlier this year was getting labs once per week.  That is just for blood to be taken and tested.  Think about the amount of hospitalizations these children endure.  The last overnight stay with Luca the hospital did not intervene with any IV, fluids, or treatment other than to follow her normal feeding schedule at home and provide her medications.  They were essentially monitoring her.  That one overnight stay was billed for over $8000.  One night.

That is just to give you some perspective as to the amounts for transplant patients.  Now, consider this:

1.     Loss of work.  When receiving a life-threatening diagnosis for a child, a large percentage of parents make a decision for one parent to stay home.  But, this is not really a decision but more so it happens because it is absolutely necessary at the time.  There are so many doctor appointments, tests, lab draws, phone calls, insurance calls, etc., and often there are hospital admissions.  Being a parent requires that you are there for your child and getting that child better is the first priority, and it is a full-time job.  Even if both parents continue to work, likely one parent needs to take time off and may have to cut back on hours.  This is especially true when it comes time for the actual transplant and year following transplant.  There are tons of admissions and lengthy hospital stays and sometimes parents have to take unpaid leave from jobs.  In an age when so many families are two-income households, and survive because of that, cutting back to one income or a loss of income can be devastating for that family.  For Ian and I, it was a no-brainer that I should take a leave of absence from school.  Ian has a stable job (thank God) and has great insurance.  While that decision was the best one at the time, it means that my student loans have just been sitting there and I have had to fight to put them on hold.  Soon, that hold will run out and we will have to start paying my loans back because while there are a lot of exceptions when you yourself face medical crisis, there are no exceptions when you are the parent of a minor child facing medical crisis.

Then, think about when both parents are able to go back to work.  The child, unless in school, needs to go somewhere for childcare.  But now that the child is immunosuppressed and requires medications to be given during childcare hours, the options for quality care are few, and typically expensive.  Just another issue to consider.

2.     Travel and relocation.  Also consider that at least in transplant cases, many families travel to a transplant center that has experience in treating disorders and diseases that their child has been diagnosed with.  Often, these institutions are in larger cities and hence are more expensive to travel to and through.  Gas is expensive, and sometimes people need to even fly or take the train to their transplant center.  Also, parking at these hospitals can add up very quickly, especially when your child is inpatient (although some hospitals cover parking costs once you have been inpatient for a certain number of days).  In our case, our transplant center is in our nation's capital.  I love Washington, D.C.  Our transplant center is fantastic.  But getting fantastic quality care in the DC area also comes with a price - a hefty price.

Some families end up relocating to be closer to their transplant center.  We were living over an hour away from D.C. and that first year post-transplant required trips and admissions at least once per week.  It was too much stress so we decided to relocate to Montgomery County, which is right outside of D.C.  Living close by to our center is expensive.  Living in this area without the added costs of having a child with medical needs is hard.  Then factor in the medical expenses and making ends-meet proves difficult for many families.

3.     Medical Expenses.  Even with great health insurance, there are medical expenses.  There are bills associated with deductibles, co-insurance, prescription coverage, medical equipment and home delivery.  Personally, we take out a portion of every paycheck to pay for our deductible and co-insurance.  And with the recent federal enactment that places a $2500 limit on money that can be put into an FSA account, 2013 will mean more money out of pocket for families in our position.

Further, not all medications and supplements are covered by insurance.  In our case, immediately following transplant, Luca needed a special supplement to help her absorb the fat in her diet.  We only needed a small portion, but the smallest bottle cost us $90.  We used it for about 2-3 weeks and have about 3/4 of it left in the bottle (and I refuse to throw it because it cost so much, even though we have no use for it now.  These children often need special supplements or formulas and very rarely are they covered by insurance.  In terms of medications, one of Luca's medications is not covered by insurance whatsoever.  We have appealed the decision on more than one occasion and her doctor has written letters arguing for it to be covered.  But when one's disorder or medication is so rare that few people in the U.S. or within that medical plan require that medication, the insurance company is not required to cover it.  And so far, we have been unsuccessful in having it covered at all.  This is not uncommon among families facing a rare disorder or treatment for a loved one.

As if families were not under enough stress, families often have to argue with insurance companies and medical providers about costs.  Hospitals make mistakes and insurance companies do as well.  Things can get billed more than once but under a different medical code.  Things can be deemed out of network and thus you pay more.  I make calls to our insurance company or place of service (hospital or doctor's office) at least once per week regarding bills and questioning certain items.  Inevitably, I have to be the middle man between our insurance and medical provider in order to get something sorted out.  I have to call every three months to get an override for Luca's immunosuppression so that it can be covered.  But often the override takes 3-5 business days and we need the medications more quickly than that as her medications have a very short shelf-life because they are compounded into a liquid form.  So while we wait for approval, we pay out of pocket for her meds and then have to go through a lot of phone calls and paperwork to be reimbursed.

4.  Other things to consider.  With medical costs and your child's health at risk, these bills often take priority.  These leaves families in a state of panic sometimes for simple things like gas, car payments, grocery bills, mortgage or rent, personal items, etc.  Families still have to live their lives!  And unfortunately, the bills are not often spaced out nicely.  For example, we get hit massively from January to March of every year as the medical bills come in that meet our deductible.  So we pay a ton during those months and then have to kind of recover after that.  You cannot plan when your child needs an admission or transplant so often bills come in all at once.  Further, think about the age group of parents who are facing organ transplantation for their child.  Typically, the parents are on the younger side so they do not necessarily have huge amounts in savings for these types of emergencies.  They might have older cars or have just bought their first house.  They might just be getting more settled in their careers.  It is an age of change and excitement and then boom, you have a child that is medically unstable and as scary as that is (and it is really freaking scary), you also have to worry about all of the finances associated with this new life.



I hope this information provides some insight as to what transplant families go through.  Unfortunately when you have a child who requires organ transplantation, the financial consequences are life long.  Medications, doctor visits, complications, etc. are all issues that will continue to be part of a transplant family's life.  While this information is clearly not the rule for every family, I can hardly imagine that families have not had to deal with any of these burdens.  And finally, I just want to say that all of the financial concerns we have, it is all worth it.

Luca is here.  We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, great healthcare, and a happy girl on our hands.  Life is hard sometimes, but so worth it.




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Thursday, February 21, 2013

Compassion

"No matter how experienced you become in your profession, never lose compassion."

I wrote that on facebook yesterday.  What prompted that was a series of mishaps regarding Luca's care.  Let me back up and start from the beginning.

I realized very early on that the medical profession is a unique one, and that the people in it are for the most part, amazingly talented, courageous, and warm.  There have been a few exceptions to that but we usually take it with a grain of salt and move on.

Trusting my daughter's care and health into a team's hands is not something I take lightly.  When you have a child that has a "team", it typically means you talk to those doctors and nurses more than some of your own friends.  They become a sort of family in a way.

Recently, the team has undergone some pretty big changes.  New members have become a part of the team and roles have shifted.  Ian and I knew there would be a period of transition in which things may not go as smoothly as normal so we reminded ourselves to be patient until things smoothed out.

Then, a few things happened that made the mean mama bear come out of me.  I became extremely upset with some miscommunication and lack of communication on some pretty important things for Luca.  I was angry.  I was upset.   I knew these things needed to be addressed but knew it had to be done very carefully.

Ultimately, I ended up having a very open and candid conversation with one of her team members and the conversation went beautifully.  The bottom line is that compassion, on my part for the situation her team is in, and on their part, for our role as her parents, allowed that conversation to happen in a manner that will benefit Luca.  It was mature, caring, helpful.  After all, I reminded them that at the end of the day, our goal as her parents and as their team is to provide the best care possible for Luca and that can only happen if we all are working together.

The medical team is full of human beings that are not perfect.  There will be mistakes.  Hopefully, minor ones like what we have experienced.  But if everyone can approach one another with compassion, the working relationship can continue to grow and improve.  As much as I wanted to call and yell and complain, I knew that it would not help anyone.  It would not help me advocate for Luca even though it might make me feel a bit better.  Her team would not learn from it and it may have even pissed them off.

Compassion.  A beautiful thing.  Powerful.  Never let go of it.  It can make or break a situation.



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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Today

2013 started out a bit more adventurous than I would have liked.  Luca was diagnosed with a complication from her transplant.  Right now, we just need to learn to live with it.  Luckily, the complication does not cause any discomfort for her - but it causes some worry for Ian and I.  Last night, we ordered a fancy video monitor to keep a closer eye on her while she sleeps.  That should help us all get some more restful sleep so I don't have to keep checking on her if she coughs or sneezes in the middle of the night.

But we are moving forward.  After getting that news yesterday, it was hard to leave her today to attend my first day back in law school.  This is a wonderful opportunity and it kind of forces me to move forward and not dwell on her diagnosis, but still, she's my baby and I feel more comfortable being with her, just in case.

But here I sit, in the cafe at school, writing a few words here to record this momentous day.  I was not sure if I would ever be able to come back to school.  Or if Luca would ever be at a point where she could be left for the day.  Here we are.  Arms wide open for all of the possibilities given to us.  Keeping our fears to the side.  Trying to push forward and live.  It is certainly a process, but we are getting there.  And along the way, we are so grateful for everyone in our life helping to make this opportunity a reality.  Thank you.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Two year celebration

I wrote about the significance of December 14th last year, and specifics of that momentous day.  (UPDATE:  I have added pictures from her transplant day to that post).

December 14, 2010 - Ian donated part of his liver to save our baby girl.  Two years ago.  When I see 4-month-old babies now, they look so tiny and it blows my mind that she was that much of a baby when she required a life-saving organ.  How we managed to go through that with our heads still attached, I am not sure.  She really was a tiny baby, innocent, perfect.  She still is in my mind.  Although maybe not so innocent when she looks at me with a smirk and is getting into trouble.

While her transplant journey has been one full of ups and downs, it was absolutely the right decision for her, and the right time.  I thank God that I married someone so devoted to our family that he jumped at the opportunity to save our daughter.  He really did not even know how massive a surgery it was going to be for him until the day before surgery.  He just knew it would help Luca and went with it.  I love that man.

So to Ian, thank you for giving our girl two more beautiful years of growth, for giving me two more beautiful years of loving our girl.  I know in every ounce of me that she would not be where she is today, thriving, catching up, happy, if she had not been transplanted when she was.

Today, we are celebrating life. (Come back here on Monday to check out how we celebrated this weekend, with pictures).

And I will use this day as a reminder to you to sign up to be an organ donor. Go to your state's Donate Life website to specify your donation preferences.


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Day 28: Letting go

After my crazy Monday, I felt the need to take a breather and focus on Luca for a couple days.  I know this time at home with her is precious and I will long for these days together when she is older.  There will be more exhausting days like Monday, but those days are all a part of parenting.  After a day like that, I decided to step away from the computer and email and just appreciate my time with her.

I realized that she is acting out and is more whiny on the days that she has no outside stimulation from other people or kids.  She is ready to have more toddler interaction and life outside of just mama.  She desperately needs more stimulation that I can solely provide at home.  I am going to make an effort to get her out and about and plan to take her somewhere each weekday.  Of course, we do typical errands outside of the house, go to playgrounds, and play outside, but she needs more than that.  These fussy days are clearly showing me that.

Yesterday we went to a nature center where she colored, saw snakes, turtles and an owl, and ran around exploring. (Pictures are terrible because they keep the lighting very dim for the animals.)






Today, I decided to check out a My Little Gym class.  I know what you are thinking - she is over two and has not been to one of these classes yet?  I am so worried about germs that I am often hesitant to take her to such classes.  It is easier to do classes when I know the teacher and they know that she is immuno-suppressed.  So she had never been to one of these classes.  But then, I remind myself that we transplanted her to give LIFE.  She is not living a quality life if I isolate her.  This idea is so much easier to say than do, because we have seen her at her worst and want to keep her healthy.  But we are trying to learn to let go a little bit.  Baby steps.  Deep breath.

So I took her to the class and she loved it.  I also took a bottle of purell like always, and periodically had her purell her hands.  And I purposely did not tell anyone that she has any medical complications.  I do not want her always to be seen as that kid.  I want her to be able to define herself outside of her medical situation.  While we are still absolutely careful about what types of classes, events and places we expose her to, we are trying to give her regular toddler activities that provide her the stimulation she is so desperate for.  This will just be another balancing act that we have to master - giving her the room to grow and explore while also being cautious and keeping her safe.

Deep breath.  Let go.  Let her live.  Much easier said than done.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Day 4: Liver numbers

As you know, Luca had several complications following her transplant.  They included a massive bleed from her hepatic artery which required surgery to fix it 5 days following her transplant.  Then, the following day the hepatic artery clotted and she required another surgery to remove the clot.  When her surgeon came out of that surgery, he gave us the news that likely the liver would not recover from those two injuries and she might lose the liver within that week, and that if the liver did recover, she likely would have biliary issues because the bile ducts can not repair themselves like the liver can. Miraculously, her liver did recover but he was right about the biliary issues.  Those pesky ducts had major issues that landed us in the hospital for too many days in 2011.  Because of those complications, we were told that she will likely need to be re-transplanted sooner than later because this liver will likely not last as long.

We were blessed that finally, her bile ducts worked enough for her biliary drains to be removed in December, and (knock on wood) she has been okay since then.  All the while, we have been watching those liver numbers carefully, never knowing when they will turn south.  They have been going up and down, up and down, down and up since transplant.  Specifically, her AST and ALT have been just out of the normal range for over a year.  Her GGT and Alk Phos have been way abnormal since her bile ducts suffered the injury - but we are told that those numbers cannot be depended on well after the bile ducts suffer an injury.  Her total bili and direct bili have been normal since her drains were placed, and have stayed normal even after the drains were removed.

Friday she had labs.  Friday afternoon our nurse coordinator emailed me her lab results and I cried happy tears when I saw these numbers:

AST                              33 unit/L                   3-34
ALT                              33 unit/L                   15-41

AST and ALT - two main numbers that tell us how the liver is working, are normal.  It in no way indicates that her liver is going to last her forever - but for today, I am so grateful.  It is a sign that her liver is happy for right now.  And for that, I close my eyes, and say out loud, Thank you God.  For this happy news - for some stability that we all so desperately need.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Tubes in

Early Friday we went to Georgetown for labs, and then to same-day surgery center for Luca to have tubes put in her ears.  Super common procedure - lots more involved when you are a transplant patient.  Here is what the day was like.

She wanted to bring her baby's stroller, so she walked in on her own.  (It was still dark - it was THAT early.)



We arrived to same-day surgery and they had her put on this awesome outfit.

After they checked her vitals and went over things, she was off to the playroom to pass some time.

When it was time, I got suited up in an equally awesome outfit while they gave her some "happy juice" that made her completely out of it.  One last picture, then I took her to the OR with her team of people (seriously, there were over 10 people for this quick procedure).

She stayed on my lap while they put her out and then after a transfer to the table, I left the room.  (I love that they allow me to stay with her in a comfortable position until she is out, but no matter how many times I have seen her go under anesthesia, I still hate it and get choked up every single time I leave the room.)  They were going to just use the mask for the quick procedure, but because of her recent vomiting episodes they consulted and decided to put an IV in, intubate her, and put her fully out for the procedure.  Other than that change, things went as planned.

The intubation and IV placement probably took longer than the tubes being placed in her ears - but the total time was about 35 minutes probably.  Her doctor found a bit of fluid but nothing major.  Then I was allowed to go to PACU where she was screaming her head off for the nurses.  I held her and sang to her.  She dozed off and on.  They put us in a wheelchair and took us back to the surgery center where Ian and our family was waiting.  She took naps on each of us and then it was time to head home.

But she did not want to be carried out.  Nope - in pure Luca fashion, she wanted to walk out on her own...the same way she walked in. Pushing her empty baby stroller of course.

The rest of the day included lots of fussiness.  We took her outside to get some fresh air.  Inevitably, being outside calms her.




She was exhausted from the day (and so were we!) so we all went to bed early.  Since Friday, she has been sleeping great but still seems a bit uncomfortable with her ears.  Hopefully, time will heal things and she will be feeling back to normal in no time.


Monday, October 8, 2012

Donate Life

I am sorry I am not starting off this Monday post with some cheery weekend recap.  I was going to save this type of post for Luca's two year transplantiversary in December.  But a fellow liver mama posted this article on facebook and it hit me in the gut:
http://www.birminghammail.net/news/top-stories/2012/10/05/colourful-farewell-to-tragic-kingstanding-schoolgirl-lucy-wilton-97319-31969867/

Sadly, this story is one that I hear about too often.  The transplant community is small - we hear about others' stories all the time.  I have heard about countless people, and children, dying while waiting for a transplant.  This fellow liver mama said it perfectly:  "The fact is, most transplanted organs will fail or reject at some point and, if another donated organ cannot be found in time, this is the tragic result. There is a severe shortage of life-saving deceased donor organs. Please consider being someone's angel... DONATE LIFE!"

I have talked openly about the fact that Luca will need to be retransplanted sooner rather than later in her life.  We will have to watch her get sicker and sicker in order to move up on the transplant list.  I count my lucky stars every single time her lab numbers come back okay, because we know too well that things can turn south at any point.

Please take the few minutes to sign up through your state.  Simply checking "yes" on your driver's license is not enough.  Signing up through your state's Donate Life website ensures that your wishes are followed.  It takes the pressure off of your family to decide what you want donated, when they are going through enough turmoil.  It allows doctors to retrieve the organs more quickly, ensuring that the person you are about to save gets the organ in great condition.

Maryland - https://www.donatelifemaryland.org/
Virginia - https://www.donatelifevirginia.org/
DC - http://www.donatelifedc.org/

If you want help finding out the website for your state, please let me know.  I will be glad to do the legwork if it means you will sign up to save someone's life.

DONATE LIFE

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Once again, I have gone astray from this little blog.  I wish I had some great excuse...but life gets busy around here and time just kind of slips by.  I mean to blog and have so many things I want to put down here.  But the days go by and I have to choose those free moments of quiet carefully.

I feel like Luca's assistant many days - managing her doctor appointments, phone calls to insurance companies, filing all of her paper work, doing her therapy exercises, chauffeuring her to and from her appointments.

And it seems like her little immune system is very sensitive.  While none of these issues have warranted hospital admissions (thank God), I sincerely hope and pray that we can have some better stability soon.  Since November, it has been one pesky little thing after another.  Colds, 3 ear infections, multiple teeth coming in, constipation issues, and currently, a pretty bad infection around her g-tube.  Last week for example, between hospital visits and pediatrician visits, we spent three days visiting doctors.  That excludes days of therapy at home.  And on the days we were not at the doctor's office, I spoke with her pediatrician every single day.

I want my little happy girl to be just that.  And while we get a good day or two here and there, inevitably one of the above sparks up and causes her discomfort.  And as a mama, it is incredibly hard to watch your sweet babe in pain or discomfort.  On days where she is happy, she is independent and wants to play and run around all day.  On the happy days, I am able to accomplish some things like laundry and phone calls.  On days where one of the above is bothering her, she is whiny and clingy and it leaves me another day of getting nothing done, and I lay my head down at night exhausted, both mentally and physically.

I am hoping with the spring weather around the corner, that it will bring with it some stability.  I want my happy girl back!  If nothing else, it will allow us to get out in the sunshine and provide some new distractions and adventures.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Hospitalizations in 2011: the Numbers

16 separate admissions.

132 days.

116 nights.

November was the only month we did not spend a single night in the hospital (only because she was sick and we had to cancel the scheduled admission).

These numbers exclude checkups and days where we just went in for labs.  These numbers are true admissions, where we spent those days and nights in a room.

They say that the first year after transplant is hard.  They were not kidding.  It was brutal.  Honestly, based on how I feel about 2011, and the many, many memories we have of being in the hospital, I was surprised the numbers were that low.  Most of those days were between January and June.  Then, from June through December, the admissions were about once per month, with the stays ranging from 1-3 nights.

You might be thinking how crazy I must be to actually have added up those numbers.  But I do well knowing the numbers so that I can remind myself just how far we have come.  I never want to take for granted the progress  we have made.  And even though those days in the hospital were hard, and terrible, and painful, and truly exhausting, both mentally and physically, they led us to where we are now.  At home, with our beautiful, feisty, challenging, loving little girl.

So to all those families going through that first year of hell, or to those who are waiting for their child's perfect liver, I wanted to tell you that we have been there.  It is daunting to see those numbers.  Not every transplant patient's journey will be like ours.  But I am here to say that those horrific days in the hospital are worth it!  Every single one of them.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

First transplantiversary





Today, 1 year ago, I gave the hubs a kiss and left him in a prep room with his dad.  I hurried back upstairs to be with my baby.  I was surrounded by family and friends.  You could feel the anxiety in the air, as we all knew it was almost time to kiss L and leave her in the hands of her amazing team of doctors and nurses, and of course, God.

I played with her until I heard the words "they are ready for her."  She was smiling on her way down the elevator.  We all crammed in there - over a dozen of us.  She had no idea what was happening in that moment to her Dada, or what was about to happen to her.  (wrong dates on the following pictures)



Then, I kissed my family and friends bye.  They all gave L love.  And I turned and walked away from them while holding onto her.  I was taken to a space behind a curtain.  There, her anesthesiologist came and went over pre-op questions.  I could feel my throat constricting, like I had a huge lump there, that was growing as the minutes went by.

I held L tight to my chest and rocked her, her head on my shoulder.  Then, the curtain opened and a nurse was standing there.  She said "I know there are rules about only immediate family with the patient, but this is a special circumstance."  Behind her, she had brought all of my family and friends to be with me for those last few minutes.  I sat in a chair while everyone surrounded us.  All those smiles from the above pictures were gone at this point - I was so choked up and scared!




Her surgeon came and talked to us.  As he was talking, L fell peacefully asleep on me.  Then, within a few minutes, they said "it's time to go."  They brought a stretcher over.  They brought several warm blankets.  I laid L down gently and they covered her with warm blankets.  She stayed asleep.  Then, I bent down and kissed her and told her I loved her so much and that she was going to do awesome.  Then I said to the team to please take good care of her.  They assured me they would.

They wheeled her away and I watched until I could no longer see her sleeping body down the hallway.  I turned around, and started sobbing.  My family lifted me with hugs and shared tears with me.  This was really happening.  Both of my most precious loves were being operated on simultaneously.

We pulled ourselves together.  Then, we headed up to the unit to switch our belongings over to the room where L would be staying post-surgery.  Afterwards, we went to the surgical waiting area.  We set up shop there, taking up a lot of space.  We got a lot of stares, especially when the surgical nurse who gives updates to family members was giving me updates on two people.

Before we knew it (although at the time, it felt like the clock was ticking backwards), we heard that the hubs had done beautifully and that they were preparing his piece of liver to go into L.

Then, we learned that L was out of surgery and everything had gone smoothly.

That was one year ago.  I can hardly believe it.  In some ways, like when I retell the details of that day, it feels like it just happened.  But in other ways, this year has been the longest and hardest year of my life.  But it has been worth it.  All of the bad stuff about this year has been worth it because L is here.  And honestly, as long as she is thriving, happy, and making improvements, that is all that matters to me.

We are spending the day cherishing our sweet girl and remembering all that we have been through to keep her here.

For most families, transplant anniversaries are bittersweet.  They remember the person who lost their life and saved their loved one, while celebrating the gift their loved one received.

But for us, it is only celebration.  Celebration that the hub's liver was a perfect fit for L.  Celebration that L has such an awesome Dad who was willing to make such a sacrifice.  Celebration that L is here and is happy.  Celebration for the fact that we are spending more days at home than in the hospital.

Thanking God for today, and the gift of life L received a year ago.  And looking forward to more celebrations on future December 14th's.

PS - I want to encourage you all to sign up to be organ donors.  People die on a daily basis waiting for their perfect organ.  Signing up on your license is great - but the best thing to do is to go to your state's organ donation website.  There, you can specify which organs you wish to donate (or not donate), and by signing up there, it takes the pressure off of your family to decide what you would have wanted.

Friday, July 22, 2011

One cranky baby



You guys - the past several days have been painful.  See that face?  I have been seeing a lot of that face the past several days (and you can totally see her two bottom teeth in this picture!).  Luca has been SO cranky.  She goes from smiling to wailing like the flip of a light switch.

Then, she started refusing sleep...at night.  For the first time ever on Wednesday night, she just outright refused to go to sleep.  It was like someone had given her a shot of caffeine. She was wide eyed and squealing, but in the same instant rubbing her red sleepy eyes like it was her job.

She is exhausted.  You lay her down and rub your hand across her head and she immediately sighs and closes her eyes.  You leave the room, and within minutes she goes from whining to wailing, to whining to wailing to whining...you get the picture.  We go back in, settle her down, then it repeats.

As of Sunday and Monday, we thought, "maybe more teeth are coming?"  But that thought has quickly been squashed.

She has had a horrific splotchy rash off and on that we immediately recognize as one of two things: either she is about to spike a fever (she has ALWAYS gotten a rash around her neck and back before she spikes), or her anti-rejection medicine (prograf) level is too high.

Since we are on day 6 of sleep issues accompanied by the rash and crankiness, we think it is the latter of the two options.  And I have been taking her temperature several times per day and she has been consistently stable (thank God!).

Typical symptoms of high prograf include headache, irritability, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, among other things.  And Luca - has all of these symptoms.  (In the past when her prograf level has been too high, she has gotten the rash so we know that that is a symptom for her.)

We had blood drawn at our house on Monday and were hoping to find out results on Tuesday.  Well, Wednesday we learned from our home-nurse that the lab messed up or something so they had to come back yesterday, Thursday, to redraw the labs.

Meanwhile, Luca's symptoms have gotten worse throughout the week.  And today, today is bad.  She is miserable.

The worst part is, that while we wait for results, I have to continue giving her the same dose of prograf every 12 hours.  Which means that as I give it to her, I cringe because I know her symptoms will just get worse in the hours following another dose.

You may be wondering why this test takes so long to get results.  Well, normally we go to the hospital to get her labs drawn and we get the results the same day.  But the blood has to be drawn at 9am (1 hour prior to her next dose) which means we leave our house at 6:30am to be there by then.  It means packing her feeding pump, meds, food, extra clothes, food for me, and me pumping on the go.  It is a lot of work just to walk in for 10 minutes to get blood drawn.

So recently we asked that if she just needs blood drawn, can we get it done at our house?  They agreed to doing this but because the blood has to be taken to an outside lab company, it means the results take at least 24 hours.

If I have not gotten results by lunchtime, I am making some calls.  My little babe is clearly uncomfortable and we need results ASAP.

You know the saying about a cranky mom makes for a cranky household?  Well, I disagree.  A cranky baby makes for a cranky household.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

How I fail to answer questions

These days, I am so cautious about what I tell people.  The hardest question I get asked on an almost daily basis is "how is Luca?"  Seems simple enough, right?  But unless someone has kept up to date on the caringbridge site, how do I condense what has happened over the last 5 months (Saturday was 5 months since her transplant) into a simple answer?

Do I just answer as to how she is doing in that instant?  Do I answer honestly, and say she is just "ok"?  Inevitably, if I answer with just ok, it is followed by tons of questions about why and then I feel like I should have just gone into detail from the beginning.

Now, I am typically saying "she is feeling ok but is having complications that keep us in the hospital a lot."  But this answer, too, leads to questions.

The most common follow-up question that is hard for me to answer is "is she going to be okay?"

How do I answer that?  Not only is that a difficult question to answer, but it also brings forth all of my fears about this entire situation because honestly, I do not know.  Yes she is okay today - as in, she is here with me, snuggling, smiling, even if we are in the hospital.  So for that, I am incredibly grateful.  I know too many moms who cannot say that their baby is here with them, and there is not a day that goes by that I take that for granted.

But I do not know if she will be okay.  Do we really know if any of us are going to be okay?

And then, if I say she is having a great day, people are then completely confused as to why she ends up in the hospital the next day, and say "well, I thought you said she was doing great?"

I do not know what the future holds.  I pray everyday and thank God that we have today.  I try desperately to stay in the moment.  But how do I do that when people constantly ask questions about our future, about Luca's future?

And then, people get confused when I say she is in the hospital.  I get questions like "but I thought she had the transplant awhile ago?"  People do not seem to realize that transplants are incredibly complicated procedures.  There are complications with any transplant - but the younger the patient, the higher the risk for complications.  If we could have waited until she was even a year old to transplant, we would have.  But Luca could not wait - it was critical that she be transplanted exactly when she was.

I so wish I could just say "Luca is doing great!" and that I did not have any complicated answers.  But that is not reality.  The reality is that things are complicated.  Things change from day to day, sometimes even from hour to hour.  She is stable.  She is mostly happy.  We spend a ton of time in the hospital.  We snuggle her no matter where we are with her.  She feels love from everyone around her, including the people who care for her.  We do not know what will happen tomorrow, next week, or a year from now.  But we know we have today, and we will never ever take that for granted.

How do you answer complicated questions?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Here

To anyone who is still reading, I am here.  We have (what a surprise) been in and out of the hospital the last week.  With big bad news yesterday, I had a meltdown.  And if I'm being completely honest, I haven't quite stopped having that meltdown.  I think it was due.  I've been holding it together for 9 months, being tough, positive, keeping hope and faith. 

But news yesterday that our sweet baby may need another transplant took my breath away.  I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

There are a lot of details to what is happening...too many that you won't be interested in.  But only time will tell what her little body needs.  She is currently happy and I am grateful for that.

It brings back so many fears.  My mind wanders to scary, dark places.  I don't dwell in these thoughts, but they do enter my mind.  And I have been afraid to say my fears out loud for fear that saying them will make them come true.  It is irrational but it is how I feel.

We opted to transplant her because it was the best chance at giving her a happy life.  We had hoped it would give her a life outside of the hospital.  But that's where we've been living basically for the past 9 months.  I am tired.  I am devastated.

My heart is aching for so many reasons.  For Luca, for Ian, for our family.  I am sad.  Right now, I'm just asking God to give us some good news.  I'm asking for hope.  I am asking that our Luca can heal and be home with us.  I am praying that her liver (which is working well) and bile ducts (which are not working well) work in harmony to keep our baby healthy.

I have so many things I want to write about.  I will get to it soon.