It has been a busy few weeks. We have had two hospital admissions since September. I have a busier semester than the previous two have been. Our weekends have been filled with birthday parties, get-togethers, and housework.
And Tuesday we had a meeting with L's surgeon. On Wednesday, we will head to the hospital for a longer stay. L will be undergoing a pretty major surgery on Thursday. And if the surgery does not work, she will be relisted for a new liver. Oh, and the likelihood of success - about 50/50.
The news was pretty much what we were expecting so it did not feel like I had been punched in the gut upon hearing it. But yesterday the emotions of it hit me. I found myself crying on my hour ride home from school.
We have had a taste of normalcy for the past 1.5 years. Sure, things are never really completely normal in our life. There are meds and frequent hospital visits. But she has had normal kid experiences too. Playdates and birthday parties and roadtrips and swimming and school.
All of that makes this surgery that much harder. I am sad that she has to go through something so major yet again. I am sad that so much rides on the success of this surgery. And also - there is a lot of fear. Fear of what could happen. Fear that this may not work.
Do you know that when I tell her we are going to Georgetown, she points to the vein in her arms to ask if she needs labs? One word, Georgetown, and she knows what that means.
Or that she knows the difference between us saying "just labs" or "yes you'll need an IV"?
Or that she knows where to push on her stomach when I tell her the doctor needs to feel her liver?
Or that she knows what to expect when I tell her we need pictures of her liver? She knows it means an ultrasound and she will need to hold still for at least 1/2 hour.
Or that she knows as soon as she sees a medical face mask (for oxygen) that she is about to be put to sleep?
She is wise beyond her years. She is just a little girl. But her knowledge of her body and anything medical is astounding. It shouldn't be this way. But it is, much like it is for any child who has experience with the medical world.
I am grateful that we have faith in her team. Her surgeon is excellent. The doctors and nurses caring for her are incredible. While I hate that she has to go through this - I am grateful that we have this team.
We are praying that things go beautifully with this surgery and hospital stay. That her body heals well. That she is back to her happy, feisty, silly self quickly. She is just a little girl. And she deserves to have all of those experiences that come with it.
(My little tiger, being a little maniac.)