To anyone who is still reading, I am here. We have (what a surprise) been in and out of the hospital the last week. With big bad news yesterday, I had a meltdown. And if I'm being completely honest, I haven't quite stopped having that meltdown. I think it was due. I've been holding it together for 9 months, being tough, positive, keeping hope and faith.
But news yesterday that our sweet baby may need another transplant took my breath away. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.
There are a lot of details to what is happening...too many that you won't be interested in. But only time will tell what her little body needs. She is currently happy and I am grateful for that.
It brings back so many fears. My mind wanders to scary, dark places. I don't dwell in these thoughts, but they do enter my mind. And I have been afraid to say my fears out loud for fear that saying them will make them come true. It is irrational but it is how I feel.
We opted to transplant her because it was the best chance at giving her a happy life. We had hoped it would give her a life outside of the hospital. But that's where we've been living basically for the past 9 months. I am tired. I am devastated.
My heart is aching for so many reasons. For Luca, for Ian, for our family. I am sad. Right now, I'm just asking God to give us some good news. I'm asking for hope. I am asking that our Luca can heal and be home with us. I am praying that her liver (which is working well) and bile ducts (which are not working well) work in harmony to keep our baby healthy.
I have so many things I want to write about. I will get to it soon.
Oh Katie I'm so sorry things are so rough right now. And so uncertain. That baby girl could not be more cherished than she is with the both of you. Every choice you've made was the best one when you've made it. I will never stop praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteMindy
So sorry to hear this Katie! She's one lucky girl to have the parents she does. Many prayers and positive thoughts sent your way, for you and yours.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear of your bad news and that more surgery is in Luca's future. I think of your family daily and will continue to do so!
ReplyDeleteOh no! I'm sorry to hear that Luca may need another transplant. What organ?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you needed a meltdown- it's not possible to be strong 2/47. What you are going through is tough- we can't even imagine the half of it.
Sending healthy thoughts Luca's way...
Praying for you all and sending lots of liver love your way! This is one of my biggest fears. I can't imagine what you are going through. Praying praying praying!
ReplyDeleteGod I'm so sorry to hear this. You, Ian, and Luca are such strong, wonderful, loving people. I think about you often and wonder what I would do in such a situation. I question if I would have thrown my hands in the air months ago out of desperation. You have an inner drive that is stronger than most and it just shows how caring of a mother and wife you are. Email or call me if you ever need to vent about anything!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but I've been following your blog since I was planning my wedding and simultaneously applying for your law school. I am so sorry that your beautiful baby has had this setback, but I am just in awe of your little family and how amazing you all are. I don't pray, but you are all often in my thoughts. I am wishing and hoping for good news for all of you.
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Sending you prayers and love and hugs and strength!
ReplyDeleteOh my heart just aches for you and your family!! I am sending my thoughts and prayers your way that everything turns out okay for precious Luca. She is a fighter and so is her mama! Huge big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI am late to reading this but I am so sorry to hear this news. My thoughts and prayers are being sent your way that you get some good news very soon.
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