Back to Preschool

My sweet girl started her second year of preschool a couple weeks ago.  The summer proved to be difficult with the change of routine so I was a bit nervous how starting the school year would go, especially with how hard the transition was last year.

Well, Ian took her for her first day and she walked into school like a pro.  No tears saying goodbye.

What a relief!  It certainly helps that she is in the same classroom with the same teachers.  Hopeful for better progress this year now that she is comfortable with the school routine.

(Picture before her first day - she cannot smile normally on command)

Unlike last year, we decided to let her ride the bus this year.  We felt that since she was comfortable with going to school now, that we would just totally mess that up and go ahead with the bus.  Great plan.  Kidding.  We thought it would be another transition, but one that needs to happen.  It allows her more practice at becoming independent and allows her to form more bonds with new people.  For a little girl who is super clingy towards her mama, we sometimes need to force her to do new things without me by her side.  It's good for both of us.

We had the bus start coming to pick her up a week into school.  We had been talking about it with her for weeks now.  That the bus would come to our driveway, she would get on with one of her lovies, say goodbye to us, and the bus would take her to school without mom or dad.  That when school is over, the bus would bring her home and Tessa and I would be waiting for her.

We went outside at the designated time and she was excited.  The bus pulled up and she got on excitedly.  Then we said "bye L - have a great day!", and the tears started.  We reminded the driver and assistant that her lovey was in her bag and to get it out for her.  We plastered smiles on our faces and continued waving bye and the doors closed and the bus drove away.

Ian and I walked inside and I heard him gasp.  There, on the floor was her lovey that we promised her would be with her on the bus.  She must have moved it from her bag before we left.  I started crying.  What a terrible mistake!

Fearing that she would be hysterical the entire 45 minute bus ride, I got ready and drove her lovey to school so that it would be waiting there for her.  Soon after I left, I got an email from her teacher letting me know that L had arrived and was happy!  What a relief!  Apparently, the tears had stopped by the time they were out of our neighborhood.  So grateful that she is doing well with this transition.

(Some photos while we waited for the bus)

First and Last

5 weeks

Well, 5 weeks into school and Friday was the first day of no tears at drop-off.  Huge progress!  I have no idea if that will continue, but I'll take it as a start.

To celebrate, I was able to get pictures of L at pick-up that melt my heart.  Seriously, I promise she goes to school with her hair a little more neat than that.  But she must have a wild time because when I pick her up, her hair is all over the place every single day.

On we go

We are finally at a point where L is excited when we mention that she is going to school.  She runs to her backpack, yells "Mama uppa" (asking if I will be picking her up from school), then "Tttessssa" (asking if Tessa will be coming with me to pick her up).  She still cries when Ian drops her off, but her teachers assure me that she calms down within a couple minutes and enjoys the rest of the day.  She is all smiles when I pick her up.  At school, she is loving PE, art and music.  She comes home with art projects on a weekly basis.  Her teachers tell me she is "head strong", as if that is news to me.  Of course she is, she has to be to fight for life!

We were prepared for a year of lots of colds since this is her first time around this many kids and we can only protect her from illness to an extent.  And thank goodness we were prepared because we are in week 3 of school and she is on her 3rd cold.  Her immune system weakness is no joke.  Fortunately, the colds have not bothered her too much and have not required any intervention until today.  Her cough has been lingering just too long and antibiotics are needed.  But she is still eating and happy so on we go.

Life has been a bit crazy since she started school.  She is going through another liver transplant complication that is scaring me to the core.  The words "relisting" and "retransplant" have been discussed, but will not be decided on for months yet.  Nonetheless, this start of the school year has been quite busy with her being in school, me being in my last semester, and with the added procedures and hospital admissions on our plate.

As a result, I am trying to take better care of my body.  Walking more regularly.  Drinking less alcohol. Eating better.  I am wearing my Fitbit religiously and trying to get outside to help with my stress levels. We also are continuing to meet up with friends and family and trying to keep life as upbeat and normal as possible.  We have the best of family and friends around us.

On we go, even with the bumps.

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Luca 1 - Daddy - 0

Today should have been L's third day of school.  She began crying as soon as we started getting ready this morning.  Yikes!  Ian took her to school.  I got a phone call from Ian a little while later and heard L crying in the background.  Clearly, the drop-off was not going well.

Apparently, he got her into the classroom where she proceeded to vomit repeatedly one after another.  It is not abnormal for her to vomit from crying a ton (hence one of her nicknames by her Gtown nurses was Luca Puka).  But he didn't know if it was just from crying or if she was sick.  So home she came and I figured we'd wait to see how the day went as to whether she was sick.

She got home and almost immediately she asked to play the tickle bug game.  This is the game where she runs up and down the hallway while I chase her and tickle her until she escapes into one of the bedrooms. Then she asked for food.  Oh of course she's hungry from just emptying her stomach.  She ate, and ate, and ate.

Clearly, she is just fine.  Little L, you're heading to school on Monday, puking or not.  Luca 1 - Daddy 0.

Progress

After my post yesterday, Luca continued crying throughout the day.  She complained that her throat hurt (I knew it was from all of the crying).  She would not nap - she cried every time I left the room.  I called Ian to come home early so I could head to my night class.

I called L's pediatrician on my way to school - he is always such a source of support.  I positively love her pediatrician!  He offered up some suggestions and gave me a great pep talk - it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Meanwhile, while in class, I got updates from Ian saying L was up and about by the end of the night.  She ate a big dinner and was playing.  Finally, he actually managed to get her down early for bed - she was so exhausted from the day.

This morning, we changed up the getting ready routine a bit.  We talked to her about her going to school today.  I showed her the snack I was packing for her and had her help me put it in her backpack.  I told her about the activities her teachers had planned for the day.  And I brought out one of her favorite character animals (Brobee) and asked her if he could go with her to school.  She was super excited about that.  I told her Brobee wants to go to school, see her classroom, play with her classmatees, and meet her teachers.  I told her how lucky he was to be able to go with her and how much fun they were going to have together.  I packed Brobee in her backpack and even dressed her in her Brobee t-shirt that she loves.  Then, Ian took her to school instead of me taking her.

I was anxious all morning.  I went to pick her up and brought Tessa with me in the car.  She was brought out and greeted me with a half-smile.  I told her that Tessa was waiting in the car.  She laughed her huge belly laugh.  Her teachers asked if they could meet her doggy too.  Luca went running to the car to show her doggy off.  Her teachers reported less crying, more participating.  Apparently Brobee helped calm her this morning after Ian left her.  She even ate a little bit of her snack.

Progress.  I will take it!  Tomorrow, she does not have school, but we will be back on Friday and I am hoping she continues to make progress.

I have to thank all of the people who emailed me, called, or texted after yesterday's post.  I was bombarded with suggestions and ideas and words of support.  It truly helped me and we implemented some of those suggestions today.  I think it did make a difference!

This her her silly face that she gave me upon arriving home after school today!

1st Day

Well, today was Luca's first day of preschool.  I would like to say it went well, but little girl was not a happy camper.  She screamed her head off when Ian and I said good-bye and made a quick exit.  I thought she would eventually calm down and play.  I got into the car and had a good cry myself.

Then I came home and made myself busy.  I took Tessa for a walk, made a morning smoothie.  And then it was time to head back to pick her up.

I waited outside the school excitedly.  I saw her teacher leading the kids out and bent down, ready to take a picture of her smiling face.  Except upon seeing her, I knew she was still sad.  She was crying.  She had snot on her face.  Her voice sounded hoarse.  She came over to me, exhausted, repeating "mama."

Her teachers said she had a long morning.  Lots of crying.  She refused all food and drink.  She did not want to play.  She refused a diaper change.

Needless to say, I did not get a picture of her when I picked her up!  Better luck tomorrow...or the next day...or the day after that...or maybe in a month or something.

Please tell me this gets better with time, because my heart is breaking right now.  How long did it take your kids to adjust to being left at school?

The night before

Dear Luca,

I took you to visit your very first school on Friday.  I stayed with you while we mingled with your teachers and other classmates.  You handled it differently than I expected.  You immediately started crying and hung onto my neck for dear life.  Yes, little one, you can sense this big change that is about to happen even without me saying so.  You are so in-tuned with all that surrounds you.

Now, it is the night before your first day of preschool.  I have so many emotions running through me.  Excitement.  Nervousness.  Gratefulness.  Anxiety.  Humbleness.  I can only imagine that you are feeding off of my energy.

I go back to all of those hospital visits and doctors appointments, and cannot help but feel tremendous gratitude for those doctors, nurses, therapists, teams who have gotten us to here.  We are indebted to them for life.  I have to be honest.  In those beginning weeks of your life, I never knew if we would have you here with us to even have this opportunity.  In those weeks and months following transplant, I could not see far enough ahead to imagine you going off, wearing a backpack, playing with other kids, without me or your Dada in sight.

It is such a blessing that we have this opportunity.  Yes, I am nervous.  For your health.  For your emotional well-being.  For you.  But I cannot help but look at tomorrow as the opening of the door to a life I did not know you would have.  To normal kid experiences.  Friendships.  Trials.  Independence.

I have been praying about this path in your life for months now.  I will continue to pray that you stay healthy and enjoy this amazing normal experience that all kids deserve.  That you deserve.

Love,
Mama