Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Day 28: Letting go

After my crazy Monday, I felt the need to take a breather and focus on Luca for a couple days.  I know this time at home with her is precious and I will long for these days together when she is older.  There will be more exhausting days like Monday, but those days are all a part of parenting.  After a day like that, I decided to step away from the computer and email and just appreciate my time with her.

I realized that she is acting out and is more whiny on the days that she has no outside stimulation from other people or kids.  She is ready to have more toddler interaction and life outside of just mama.  She desperately needs more stimulation that I can solely provide at home.  I am going to make an effort to get her out and about and plan to take her somewhere each weekday.  Of course, we do typical errands outside of the house, go to playgrounds, and play outside, but she needs more than that.  These fussy days are clearly showing me that.

Yesterday we went to a nature center where she colored, saw snakes, turtles and an owl, and ran around exploring. (Pictures are terrible because they keep the lighting very dim for the animals.)

Today, I decided to check out a My Little Gym class.  I know what you are thinking - she is over two and has not been to one of these classes yet?  I am so worried about germs that I am often hesitant to take her to such classes.  It is easier to do classes when I know the teacher and they know that she is immuno-suppressed.  So she had never been to one of these classes.  But then, I remind myself that we transplanted her to give LIFE.  She is not living a quality life if I isolate her.  This idea is so much easier to say than do, because we have seen her at her worst and want to keep her healthy.  But we are trying to learn to let go a little bit.  Baby steps.  Deep breath.

So I took her to the class and she loved it.  I also took a bottle of purell like always, and periodically had her purell her hands.  And I purposely did not tell anyone that she has any medical complications.  I do not want her always to be seen as that kid.  I want her to be able to define herself outside of her medical situation.  While we are still absolutely careful about what types of classes, events and places we expose her to, we are trying to give her regular toddler activities that provide her the stimulation she is so desperate for.  This will just be another balancing act that we have to master - giving her the room to grow and explore while also being cautious and keeping her safe.

Deep breath.  Let go.  Let her live.  Much easier said than done.

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