The night before

Dear Luca,

I took you to visit your very first school on Friday.  I stayed with you while we mingled with your teachers and other classmates.  You handled it differently than I expected.  You immediately started crying and hung onto my neck for dear life.  Yes, little one, you can sense this big change that is about to happen even without me saying so.  You are so in-tuned with all that surrounds you.

Now, it is the night before your first day of preschool.  I have so many emotions running through me.  Excitement.  Nervousness.  Gratefulness.  Anxiety.  Humbleness.  I can only imagine that you are feeding off of my energy.

I go back to all of those hospital visits and doctors appointments, and cannot help but feel tremendous gratitude for those doctors, nurses, therapists, teams who have gotten us to here.  We are indebted to them for life.  I have to be honest.  In those beginning weeks of your life, I never knew if we would have you here with us to even have this opportunity.  In those weeks and months following transplant, I could not see far enough ahead to imagine you going off, wearing a backpack, playing with other kids, without me or your Dada in sight.

It is such a blessing that we have this opportunity.  Yes, I am nervous.  For your health.  For your emotional well-being.  For you.  But I cannot help but look at tomorrow as the opening of the door to a life I did not know you would have.  To normal kid experiences.  Friendships.  Trials.  Independence.

I have been praying about this path in your life for months now.  I will continue to pray that you stay healthy and enjoy this amazing normal experience that all kids deserve.  That you deserve.

Love,
Mama