Luca's Birth Story - Part I

Even though our lives are still upside down (and will be for months and months to come), I promised a birth story.  And here it is  (Part I of it) :)

I walked into the hospital on Thursday, August 5th at 6am.  I was nervous, excited, anxious.  Very nervous.  As some of you may be aware, I HATE hospitals (one of the main reasons I wanted to birth at home for as long as possible).  But I was 2 weeks and 2 days past my due date, and we were evicting our baby girl.

We arrived to Labor and Delivery and my room was all ready for me, as were my nurses and midwife.  I got into my cute hospital gown (Pretty Pushers - buy it on amazon).  Then they started up my IV and went through lots of questions.  My midwife came in and checked me - I was 4cm and 80% effaced.  We discussed the options for the induction, and after some discussion, decided that we'd start pitocin instead of breaking my water.

It didn't take much pitocin to get my body going.  It was started at about 8:00 a.m. Within a few hours of starting the pitocin drip, I was having regular, strong contractions about 2-3 minutes apart, lasting about 1-1.5 minutes each.  They only had to have the pitocin at level 10 (out of 25) the entire labor.

As every contraction came, I focused on the fact that our baby was coming to us and that every contraction was bringing me closer to seeing her.  I moved around a lot.  I sat on the birthing ball, I sat on a birthing stool, I leaned against the bed, I walked.  My biggest complaint was that I had horrible back labor.  We suspected that baby girl wasn't positioned well and that she may have had her hands up by her face.

I asked not to be checked until I requested it.  I finally requested it at about 6pm.  I was 6cm.  I was discouraged by the fact that I had only progressed 2 cm after 10 hours on pitocin.  My midwife told me that during each contraction, my bag of waters was bulging.  After checking baby's position to make sure she was in a good one, they broke my water.  They were surprised it was clear (it is more common for baby to have had the first bowel movement inside when a baby is that overdue), so that was good news.

Then my contractions sky rocketed.  The pain was rough - but it wasn't just contractions.  It was the horrific back labor that wouldn't give me a break.  My body was having non-stop back labor, even between contractions.  I tried every position possible - on my hands and knees, on the birthing ball, on the birthing stool, leaning over the bed, walking.  Nothing helped.

After a couple hours, I asked to be checked again.  Still 6cm.  Finally, I asked for some pain medication.  I thought that maybe I couldn't relax enough for my body to progress  They gave me a medicine that basically made me drunk.  And you know what - it didn't take the pain away.  It just allowed me to fall over asleep in between the contractions.  Ian and my doula giggled as I said funny things.  They gave me a suppository to help with the nausea I was having.  And I didn't even care that they had to stick that up my butt.  I even said "I'm sorry you have to do this as part of your job tonight - but I can't even lift my head so clearly I can't do it."  Everyone laughed.  I remember I kept saying "I don't like the way it makes me feel" in a very whiny voice.  And every time I heard something in the room (like Ian moving), I would lift my head and look around and wait for my eyes to focus on where the movement was coming from...but...I couldn't get them to focus.  They just kept moving around until I'd finally give up and put my head back down. 

The medicine lasted about 2 hours, and then I started feeling things even more...

Part II coming soon...

Coming soon...

I am working on writing Luca's birth story.  I will post it when I get a chance over the next couple days.

In other news, if you haven't been following Luca's story on the caringbridge website, here's the latest: Luca is having surgery tomorrow to put in an access line into her chest (a more permanent IV) because doctors will need lots of blood taken over the next couple months for her liver transplant.  At the same time, the surgeon's will put in a g-tube (a tube goes into her belly and we can feed her via the tube).  Because she was on a ventilator for a little while, and her formula is incredibly bitter (protein free formulas are DISGUSTING - even Ian and I tried it to see why she was making a bad face every time we tried to feed her; and as a sidenote, the only protein she gets is from the tiny bit of breastmilk that is mixed in with her protein free formula), she does not like eating very much by mouth.  She eats every 3 hours on the dot, but only takes about half the amount she needs to.  Since she is required to get the exact amount of calories each day, and needs to take all of her meds every 3 hours, we have to push whatever she doesn't finish and also her meds through the feeding tube.

That's the bigger piece of news: our baby girl needs a liver transplant.  It's not that anything is wrong with her liver, but rather that she is missing an enzyme that allows her body to digest protein.  But a liver transplant (likely she'll just receive a piece or lobe of a liver that will be attached to hers) will allow her body to have the enzyme she's currently lacking.  If successful, she can live a much more normal life.  The reason she needs it so soon (in the next few months), is because her defect is proving to be a very severe one (each child's defect varies in severity).  Her body can only handle the most tiny amount of protein (with the help of medications), but it won't be enough for her to continue growing as she gets older.

Hoping the surgery and recovery go smoothly tomorrow.  Then, hoping baby girl continues to get better so we can take her home.  Our estimate: in about 1-2 weeks we can take her home (until a liver is ready for her).  We can't wait!!

In Love

I always heard that the love you have for your child is something that cannot be described, and can't be compared to any other type of love.  I finally get it.  This little human being whom I barely know, when I stare into her eyes and she stares back at mine, there is this instant connection.  And the feeling that comes over me when I feel that connection, that bond, is overwhelming, all consuming.  And even though I saw her as she entered this world and came out of me, I can hardly believe that this little girl was the one inside of me for 10 months.

And suddenly it hits me, as we take each other in, that I feel like I might burst because this love can't possibly fit inside me.

Hanging in there

Our girl is still in the NICU but finally is stable.  Ian and I are hanging in there.  We are exhausted.  Our days consist of waking up, calling the hospital to see how baby overnight, getting ready, going into the hospital, spending the entire day there, and finally coming home at about 9 or 10pm.

We shut down our house in Baltimore and are staying at a friend's house until our girl can leave the hospital.  So currently, we really don't feel like we have a home.  Our entire life is in a hospital room fighting for her life - so really our world has stopped.  It's odd to get on facebook and see people talking about fun things coming up, or exciting things happening in their lives.  Not that we would expect anything different - it's just odd because our worlds stopped 12 days ago when our girl got sick.

Everyone keeps saying to take care of myself.  We're trying our best.  I started Ian on a vitamin and I've continued taking mine.  We're making sure to eat often, although I'm sure I'm not eating the quantity I should be.

On a positive note (people - we have to look for any humor possible while we go through this tough time, and also, for anything positive!), I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  That's what happens when you are up and about 2 days after delivering, and also having a baby in the NICU.

Can't wait to get her home (not sure when this will be).  Actually, I'm just excited that she will be coming home at some point.  When she was first admitted, we weren't sure if she'd ever be coming home.  Praying that she continues to progress so that she can come home!

Update

Hi all,

Our little girl is more sick than we originally thought.  Our lives will be forever changed because of it.  We have set up a website to keep family and friends up to date - getting her better will be a very long process and she will always battle this disorder.  If you'd like to follow along, you may click on the link and sign in using your email address.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lucamariethomas

So much for us not sharing her name on my blog!

Kt

She's Here

Baby girl arrived on Friday, August 6th.  She weighed in at 8 pounds, 6 ounces, and was 20 inches.  She was alert, and absolutely beautiful (not that I'm biased or anything).  I am hoping to write out her birth story very soon, but we're a little preoccupied with helping our baby girl fight.

Things have taken a turn for the worse.  I realized she wasn't acting right as of last night.  We were to be discharged this morning, but after expressing my concerns to the nurse, one thing led to another and our baby girl ended up in the NICU.  The hospital quickly informed us that they could not handle her, and transferred her to a major teaching hospital in Baltimore.

She is currently in the NICU where they are trying to get answers.  It seems that she has a very rare metabolic disorder - one that means she cannot process certain proteins.  Because of her body not breaking down proteins, ammonia levels are very high in her little body and are toxic.

From here, the hospital's plan is to 1) lower the ammonia levels, 2)determine which enzyme she is genetically missing to determine which type of protein she cannot tolerate and 3) find a diet that will work so that she can thrive.

Things are very serious.  The high ammonia levels can have very severe consequences.  We are extremely blessed that we picked up on some early signals that something just wasn't quite right.  We are also very fortunate that the hospital acted so quickly, and that she now is with a team of fantastic doctors.

Please pray to whatever or whoever you believe in.  We are reaching out to anyone and everyone to please pray.  We need things to go well over the next few days and for her little body to get rid of the toxins.

And here's a picture of our cutie:

We're off...

It's 5:23am and we're about to head out to the hospital to have a baby.  I'm being induced this morning at 6 and am filled with such emotions.  Anxiety, excitement, and a feeling of just wanting her to be here already. 

Please keep us in your thoughts today - praying for a very smooth, healthy, and comfortable (and quick, but I won't get too picky here) birthing day for our baby girl and me. 

42 Weeks, 1 day Pregnant

I never thought I'd be posting that I'm officially 10 months pregnant.  But I am. 

I pretty much took a breather from the internet world the past few days.  I was already facing so much anxiety about making the right decision for us in terms of pushing the induction date back a few days.  Then to hear everyone's opinions was making it difficult to think clearly about our situation.  That, and I finally decided to pretty much ignore everyone's "when is she coming" questions.  When she arrives, everyone will know and that's that.

I am 42 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  I cannot believe it!  I never thought we'd get this far along in pregnancy.  And to think that I thought I might go early - this little girl is totally making a mockery of that statement!  She most certainly is a stubborn little one, and this is probably a preview of how challenging she may be as a little girl.

My tank tops no longer fit all the way over my stomach.  I have stretch marks covering my entire lower stomach.  I have trouble getting my prenatal vitamins down every night because they get stuck on that stupid hiatal hernia.  I waddle rather than walk.  I need help getting off the couch, and need a crane to lift me from the bed (and will myself to not pee as I do so). 

Pregnancy is an adventure.  It's a learning experience.  And if it's taught me anything, it's to let go of control, to trust my body, and that if you're in a good mindset, you really can have a fantastic experience.  Are all parts of it fun?  Nope.  But I have enjoyed it so much.  I have loved feeling this baby move and play inside my belly every.single.day.  I love talking to her, singing to her, car rides alone with her.  I love her reactions to certain things like soft or loud music, being startled the first time Ian spoke into my belly and woke her.  Or like today when the technician put the monitor band on my belly way too tight, baby girl immediately moved and began kicking the monitor.

I have loved being pregnant.  I have grown such admiration for mamas, and for what our bodies can do.  It truly does feel like a miracle to grow a human being.  I am so, so blessed.

As much as I've loved being pregnant, my heart is filling up with so much excitement I think it might overflow, for the next journey in our lives.  We're ready for the next chapter.  In the next day or two, we will no longer just be Kt, Ian, Kt and Ian.  We'll be mama and papa.  Parents.  And our marriage will be different.  No longer just the two of us.  We have created something, someone,  that bonds us together forever. 

Today, as I had another non-stress test on baby girl (everything went beautifully by the way), Ian sat on the bed with me and held my hand.  I felt happy, lucky, that this man is beside me for the next journey.

We are overwhelmed with excitement and joy as we look ahead at the next chapter in our lives.  Now, just waiting for that chapter to begin.

Tuesday Update

Contractions really died down overnight.  Now we're up and hoping they pick back up again this morning or today.  This little one keeps teasing us!

Update #2 of the Day

Just got back from the hospital.  If you remember from earlier, I went to get a foley bulb put in to stretch my cervix more. 

The nurse, OB, and midwife were fantastic tonight.  They were patient and super gentle.  The OB was tried twice to put the foley bulb in, and wasn't getting good results.  I was supposed to cramp up if it was working correctly when they were putting it in.  But no cramping was taking place.  He finally decided to check me and wouldn't you know, I'm 4+cm and now 80% effaced (I was a little under 3cm dilated, and 50% effaced this morning at 10am).  So the foley bulb only works until you're about 4 cm.

So what does this mean?  It means that stripping the membranes this morning has (fingers crossed, I'm so scared to actually say it or type it out for fear of jinxing myself) HOPEFULLY sent me into labor.  As each contraction comes and is more painful than I've previously had, I have a huge smile on my face.  Who knew I'd be greeting pain with excitement and welcoming it.  I guess that's what being 2 weeks overdue does to a pregnant lady!

Fingers crossed that baby girl is making a debut in the next 24 hours.  We are so excited to meet her!  And if this is it, please keep us in your thoughts that we have a very smooth, relaxed, comfortable, and most importantly, healthy labor and delivery.

Update

We had a check-up this morning.  I was feeling extremely uncomfortable with the idea of being induced tomorrow.  I did a ton of research over the weekend looking at the risks and benefits of being induced, versus waiting until later in the week.  For the record, I will be 42 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and there is a debate as to how long doctors should allow patients to go.

I am so happy I am with my midwives.  They sat and talked about all of our options, and consulted with me about their opinion, while listening to my worries and concerns.  We ultimately decided that we'll continue to closely monitor baby girl, and so long as she is doing beautifully, we will hold off on inducing until Thursday.

As of last Wednesday, I was about 1 cm dilated.  Today, I was 3cm.  The ultrasound showed that baby girl is doing wonderfully - my amniotic fluid level is described as "plenty" - at an 18 (the max is something like a 20, and they will induce immediately if the amniotic fluid level drops to about 5-6).  Baby girl passed the non-stress test perfectly.  And even more amazing is that the positioning techniques I did all weekend worked - baby girl is now in a perfect position for delivery.

So our plan from here:  I had my membranes swept this morning at the appointment.  We'll see if that increases my contractions.  Tonight, I go to the hospital for a foley bulb to be inserted.  This is like a little balloon that they put in my cervix to stretch it over a period of time.  When my cervix dilates to between 4-5 cm, the balloon falls out.  Often, this alone will send some women into labor.

Then on Wednesday (if baby hasn't come by then), we will rerun an ultrasound and non-stress test to check on baby girl.  If all goes well, we will be induced on Thursday morning and by then, with all of these things we're doing right now, my cervix will be in great shape for induction.

I have faith and every hope and confidence that my body and baby are working right now to go into labor on their own.  Baby girl has dropped into my pelvis and is said to be ready to go.  My body has been contracting more strongly, and more consistently since yesterday. 

Everyone has been offering their own experiences to reassure me that an induction isn't that big of a deal.  It is a big deal to me.  And while I know everyone means well, I just need to focus on relaxing and having confidence that this will happen naturally.  My body can do this.  My baby can do this.  We will do this!  And if it doesn't, I know we will have exhausted all of our options, and that we're making the best decision for our baby and our situation.

I said some huge prayers to the big guy yesterday at church.  I have faith!