Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes...

Okay so no I have not seen the sign - but I'm desperately looking for it. I would like a truck to drive by me that has "Kt - You are meant to go _____ law school."

I do like Miami but for some reason I am hesitant. I think I am dealing with so much stress right now between the wedding, deciding on a law school and then possibly moving 1100 miles away to a huge city when I've never lived anywhere but Maryland. I am...scared.

I am still waiting to hear from UNC which I think would be a better fit for Ian and I. It's only 4 hours away versus 16, is a bit smaller, more suburban and quieter. I think I could get used to Miami - but I just want to be sure before uprooting our lives.

You see, deciding on a college was much easier for me. I had some top choices, but knew that Loyola was #1 without any question. My older brother had gone there so the many visits to see him made Loyola like a second home. It was far enough away that my parents weren't around the corner, but close enough that I could come home if I wanted to for the weekend, even a night really. Besides, if you make the wrong decision about college, your parents are their to bail you out, and it's only you that has to deal with making the wrong decision.

If I make the wrong decision about law school, or don't like Miami, I've uprooted Ian from a location he's learned to love, a job that he worked hard to get and plunking the two of us and Tessa into a new and unfamiliar situation. How can I put all of us through that unless I'm feeling confident about my decision? I don't think I can.

I mention that I've only ever lived in Maryland. I don't want my fear of moving to be the reason why I stay. I am ready for a new place, more challenges, new friends. But I am just not sure I'm ready for THAT big of a move.

I got wait listed at Maryland - and unfortunately I won't hear from them until possibly the end of July. That simply won't work. If we are moving to Miami (in case I don't get into UNC or MD), I can't wait until the end of July to sign a lease since we need to move in August 1st.

This is all just a little too overwhelming for me. It leads me to ask the questions - what am I going to do? What should I do? Where do I go from here? What is right not only for me, but for us, Ian and I and starting our married life together?

Have you ever had to face a challenging decision like this? What were the determining factors for you? What helped you get through it? Did you finally see the sign?

1 comment:

  1. I've never really had to make a formal decision like that but I am yearning to get out of Maryland.

    I am always in awe of my friends who just move because they want to and are able to adjust well. I'm such a scaredy cat and I hate it. I've grown to complacent here. Same job, same friends, same stuff.

    I wish I could give you some guidance but its really YOUR decision. And take comfort in knowing that whatever decision you make, you'll have 100% support from Ian and your loved ones.


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