Kindness

Sometimes my heart feels heavy from all that should not happen in this world.  The events in Boston yesterday.  Seeing so many children affected by medical issues that sometimes take their lives.  Watching adults struggle with life as a result of heavy things in their lives.

It is simply too much.  I had to turn the TV off yesterday after hearing that the bombs went off at the 4:09 mark during the marathon.  Ian finished his marathon 3.5 years ago at that exact mark.  People try to make sense of something so horrific, and I choose not to try to make sense of it, because there is no sense.  There is no why that justifies this.  There is no why that justifies any tragedy in life.

Instead, I pray for every single person impacted by tragedy, directly or indirectly.  That we can appreciate our time here.  That we do not take things for granted.  That we are kind to one another, accepting, loving.  We have reminders to do these things every single day.  I don't think we need anymore reminders.  Do the right thing.  Let people in your lane, even if they are being an ass.  Smile at one another.  Give people the benefit of the doubt.  Help someone who is struggling (with opening a door, or life, whatev).  Give your time, talent, money to those who need it.  Make cookies for your neighbors.  Open your arms to your loved ones.

Kindness.  I am choosing this path in the wake of such tragedy.

Thoughts and Prayers

My grandfather was one of 10 children - a very catholic family. Out of the 6 girls, 5 became sisters/nuns. Out of the 4 boys, 1 became a priest. Out of such a huge family, I have only have 2 first cousins.

I didn't ever get to meet my grandfather - he died before I was born. Luckily, he left an amazing footprint on the lives he touched. He taught at the oldest jesuit all boys high school in the country for 37 years, as athletic director and teacher. I hear stories of him through the students he taught.

I also hear stories about him through my great aunts and uncles. Little by little, I've had to witness them getting older and passing away. Not surprisingly, the sisters/nuns have all lived to be well into their 80's, and some into their 90's.

Now, I only have one left. My Aunt Cyrilla. She lives in the Boston area, has a thick New England accent, and is as sharp as can be. She is a smart ass almost always and has energy that I can only dream of having when I'm her age, which is 88. Health wise, she has been in fantastic shape. The only thing we've seen a change in, is that she's become a little more hunched over the years and walks slightly slower. She just stopped driving a car this year, much to her disappointment.

My mom just went to visit her cousins and my Aunt Cyrilla over the weekend. She spent almost all day sitting and talking with her on one day, and stopped by again on Sunday before she came back to DC.

We got a call from my mom's cousin last night. My Aunt was found in the hallway of her building, very disoriented yesterday morning, as in, less than 24 hours since she had been totally fine with my Mom. She's now in the hospital, not responding, not talking, not eating. She opens her eyes when my cousins go into the room and she looks right at them. The doctors are running tests - nothing has come back conclusive. We thought it might be a stroke - but nothing has shown up yet. They think it may have been a mini heart attack - but the confusion doesn't make sense with that diagnosis. The heart damage may be something pretty old that didn't give her symptoms when it happened.

My heart is breaking. I have neglected to go see her over the last couple years. Ian and I had a trip planning in December/January, but I had a kidney stone/infection and we ended up cancelling at the last minute. I desperately tried to find time this summer - but it went by too quickly.

And now, I'm not sure if I'll get the chance to see her. I don't know if she'll get to meet Ian. Please, if you are the praying type, say some prayers for her. If you're not the praying type, please send some positive thoughts her way.

My last great aunt - I'm not ready to lose her. I realize she's had a long, very fulfilling life. But I'm not ready. And I don't know what I'll do if I don't get to see her - to live with that regret - I don't want to.

I'm just not ready.

Saddened

Recently, there have been many tragic deaths. Personally, I have been to more funerals than I could possibly count.


First, there was Natasha Richardson. Then through the blogging world, I came across the deaths of Zach Sowers, and Maddie Spohr. I became engrossed in reading their stories. I found myself crying over the deaths of these people, whom I had never met in my life. Since little Maddie's death, over $55,000 has been raised in support of March for Dimes (as she was born 3 months premature). It is such a bittersweet situation - I am amazed and proud that people who are strangers will support and mourn the loss of someone they don't know. But, it makes me sad at the same time that innocent lives are lost that cause people to act.

Finally, there is Steph Parente, who was a sophomore at my alma mater, Loyola College, MD. She, along with her parents and younger sister were found dead in a hotel room in Towson. Her parents were visiting her for the weekend. You can read the details at the link. It makes me proud to be a greyhound when I read that 1/3 of the undergraduate students attended a mass last night at 9pm to remember her. Clearly, 1,000 people didn't know her - but it just shows the strength of the Loyola community. Loyola is a small Jesuit college - so to gather this much strength from the community is amazing.


Death is scary to me. Losing people in our lives is devastating. I think it changes each of us in different ways. For me, having lost some close family and friends has made me more compassionate. It also has made me realize how fragile life truly is. I think it contributes to my unwillingness to ever go to bed angry with Ian. Inevitably if I'm irritated when he leaves to go somewhere, I call within a couple minutes of him leaving just to smooth things out and make up. It comes from fear. Although, I hardly think that using the fear to do good things, like making up more quickly with my husband, is a bad thing. So I'll take the fear.

It also makes me ridiculously tearful - every time I come across another sad story, I can't help but cry. I didn't cry when Ian proposed, or at my wedding - but sad stories get to me. I can honestly sit and just think about a sad story, or worry about something bad happening, and I start crying.

So today I'll be especially aware of how precious life can be, and remember the people who are suffering because of the tragic loss of a loved one in their lives.

Florist Meeting in Review

I am back to work and feeling a whole lot better - the antibiotics must be working well.

My Mom met with Petal's Edge while I was sick to get a preliminary estimate for flowers I'm looking to have. I sent my mom with lots of printed photos of things I like, specific flowers I do not want (no calla lillies - they're overused at the moment), centerpiece ideas, bouquet likes and dislikes, etc. I also made notes in each picture of what exactly I liked about it (color, shape, style, arrangement, etc.). The florist took it and ran with it and sent us a proposal. She thanked me for being so specific because she got such a clear picture of my vision (which to me, is hard to put into words - I just know when looking at a picture whether I like it - but typically can't describe the overall vision). I highly recommend anyone about to go through this process to take as much "research" with you so the florist gets specific ideas for you.

Her ideas were perfect! And the estimate comes in RIGHT on budget. We may or may not use everything she has on the estimate (as we included some ceremony flowers that we might not use). I was hoping to come in a bit under budget for our flowers to make up for being over budget on our photographer. My mom is meeting with 2 other florists and then we'll make a decision. But so far, so good!

I haven't mentioned poor Heath Ledger. I think everyone is a bit shocked and inundated with information coming in on what exactly happened to him. I have to say I'm sad his death. I remember him from his days in 10 Things I Hate About You (and I have to admit, I had a huge crush on him in my high school days). He just seemed like a rather genuine, down-to-earth guy who happened to be very handsome. And the pictures of him with his daughter, Matilda, simply break my heart. It's clear that he loved her so much. I think the pictures of him carrying her on his shoulders really get me. It's such a fatherly thing to do when your kids are little - make them feel so important like they're on top of the world. It's extremely sad that she won't grow up with her Dad in her life. I can't imagine that - especially growing up where I'll see him often in movies he performed in. Maybe that's a good thing? Either way, my heart goes out to that little girl who hasn't even realized what exactly has happened.