Priorities

First, hi!  It has been 2.5 weeks since I last updated.  I feel like I have been neglecting so much in my life.  I have doctors appointments for myself that I need to arrange, calls to make, blog and caringbridge site to update, exercise to make time for.

The other day I was trying to get some stuff done online.  I put Luca on the floor with some toys and quickly turned to my computer.  I heard a loud bang and knew immediately she had slipped on the hardwood floors and hit her head (she was crawling - not standing when it happened).  My first response was to get to her and pick her up...I knew she was fine but obviously wanted to comfort her.  Then, I was mad.  Mad that she couldn't sit still with toys for less than two minutes while I printed a form I needed to fill out for one of her medical appointments.

Then, I felt immediate remorse for being mad.  Mad at her for what?  Being a baby?  Doing exactly what she should be doing at her age?  I was taken aback at the anger.  And knew immediately I was taking it out on the wrong person.

Really, I cannot take it out on anyone.  This is our life.  It is crazy and busy and not always the most organized.

I am trying to learn to accept that with an active little girl in the house, who naps very little, things have to go to the backburner.  There will never be enough time in the day to get done what I need to.  I actually think back to pre-Luca days and laugh.  I laugh because I used to think life, at times, was super busy.  How my days now mock those days!  And I also laugh because I am so busy these days, but look back at the end of each day and think, "what the hell did I even accomplish today?"  I used to be able to write a list of to-do's for a busy day, and tackle most of them.  Now, I have a never ending list of to-do's and I get done less each day than the items I add each day.  I say I am trying this acceptance thing because truly, it is tough for me to put things aside.  I do not feel comfortable procrastinating or having a long to-do list.  But I need to learn to accept it because this is the way things are going to be for awhile.

While I feel stressed out by having this long list hanging over my head, I remind myself how blessed I am to have this growing little girl keeping me on my feet, distracting me.  She is my reminder as to what is important in life.  These other things can wait.  I do not want to miss any moment with this precious girl.

(I wrote today's post while wrestling Luca in my arm.  As I finish this sentence, she is busy occupying herself with slobbering all over her foot.)

And to leave you with a photo.  Taken by my sister over the weekend.  We asked her to take some family pictures of us so I can send a holiday card this year...and Luca, she refused to smile for most of the photos, including this one.