I start back to school 4 weeks from today. To say that I am anxious to have this baby is an understatement at this point in time. I've watched all of my pregnant bloggy friends welcome their bundles of joy. I've watched birth announcements appear on facebook from friends who were due 1, 2, and even 3 weeks after me.
I am getting so stressed out about having less than 4 weeks to adjust to mommyhood before I go back to school and have to be alert and on my A-game. I have less than 4 weeks to build up a milk supply for the times I won't be here to breastfeed. Time is ticking and I have no baby here with me yet.
Don't get be wrong - I am incredibly grateful that I am having such a healthy pregnancy that I do not need to be induced for medical reasons. I have practioners who are very supportive of natural birth, and aren't discussing induction yet.
I'm just feeling tired. People keep saying "get some sleep", "go do things that you won't be able to do once she's here", "go out with hubby for date night", "go to the movies." I am getting tons of sleep at night and taking at least one nap per day. I am trying to get out once per day to go do something. I am taking walks with Tessa and snuggling with her a lot. Ian and I are enjoying each other's company while we're still just the two of us. I am enjoying my time by myself! But I'm just really ready.
I had been feeling very confident about labor and delivery. But the fact that I am now 1 week past my EDD and have had a few previews of real contractions that don't amount to anything makes me feel so discouraged. Why isn't my body ready? Is baby not ready? And if so, why? Is she in a bad position and that's why I keep getting previews that don't amount to anything? Labor begins when baby's body sends signals via hormones to my body, and then my body begins producing hormones to speed things up. Why isn't her cute body sending me signals? Or why isn't my body responding to them?
People keep suggesting that maybe our due date was off. But I know that I tested positive extremely early and not to give a lot of information, but I pretty much know down to the day that our little one was conceived. So basically we just have a stubborn baby on our hands.
I didn't know whether to put all of these thoughts out there because I know there are so many people out there who would give just about anything to be pregnant and in this position. I am incredibly grateful that me and baby are both healthy. I'm just ready for her to be here. To hold her. To snuggle her. To care for her. To love her. Well, the loving part already started when I saw that plus sign 10 months ago. But I'm ready.