I've been disappointed by lots of friends recently. I am pretty good about remembering big events in their lives - and I am pretty good about sending cards when appropriate. I remember birthdays. I email. I call. I ask how their lives are going. I try to get together to catch up.
But what happens when I make the effort, only to have it rejected, or at least not returned? Do they think I'm too busy to talk? Do they not want to talk? If they think I'm too busy, it would help to at least try to call me, especially when I've reached out to them. Recently, a couple friends have said it's been forever since we've seen eachother. So I threw out some dates that we are free and have never heard any response. Those dates that were free have already passed. But I know these friends have made time for others. So how do I not take it personally? What's wrong with me?
I'm tired of being disappointed by the same friends repeatedly. So I'm letting go. I'm letting go of those friends, because when it comes down to it, I am a pretty good friend to them, and I deserve the same in return. If they can't make the effort, neither will I. So recently, I've stopped contacting these certain friends. If they want me in their lives, they can return the effort.
I will devote time to my amazing friends who consistently show that I am important in their lives, and who are equally important to me. They are kind, unique, and wonderful people who truly know the meaning of friendship. To them, I am incredibly grateful. And by letting go of those not-so-great friends, I have more time to devote to being that much of a better friend to the ones who matter.
While it may not be easy to let go of friends who have played major roles in my life, it is necessary.
OMG - I feel like I'm going through the SAME thing! I think this past year has shown a big difference amongst my friends so I've really retreated from most people because I'm tired of making the effort!
ReplyDeleteI've been disappointed a lot this past year and it made me question why I'm friends with certain people. I feel like I have a lot of fake friendships (not that they don't like me... but it's more of an on the surface friendship).
I've gone through the same thing this year. For me, it was at my bachelorette party when a light when on. I invited a lot of people because I didn't want anyone to feel left out, but it ended up making me feel bad when some of the girls ignored me at my own bachelorette party! It's not the quantity, but the quality of friends you have.
ReplyDeleteSon of a ... just wrote a REALLY long comment and it disappeared...be back in a few!
ReplyDeleteI agree! As hard as it is, you are right in your thinking. I'd much rather have 1 or 2 really awesome, close friends, than a larger circle of so-so non-committal friends.
ReplyDeleteI think I have a totally different outlook on this -
ReplyDeleteFirst, I wouldn't take it personally - I think it can be hard to coordinate busy and down times, with other people's busy and down times. Admittedly, I'm one of those non-responders to your reaching out, BUT it has nothing to do with the fact that I wouldn't LOVE LOVE to get together, it has to do w/the fact that the last few months have been nuts with selling & buying a house, taking classes, planning a wedding, planning 2 baby showers, working 2 jobs, traveling for work, etc. that I don't even know what day, time, month it is most of the time! Time completely keeps passing me by! I actually sat down on my couch for the FIRST time last night since we moved in weeks ago! And while everyone has schedules that are hectic (so it's not my excuse), you (and by you-I mean in people general) just might not know that kind of stuff going on in other's lives...so while thinking its personal, it couldn't be anymore opposite!
I've also had to re-evaluate friendships, & I know I've had to be re-evaluated as well, I think it's only natural. I'm about to enter into another 24-DAY working streak & most of my friends don't really understand that, but I know that they will forgive me and patiently wait for me to get through it (& make it up to them!).
On another note, my best friend from college & high school - I can NEVER reach her. NEVER, unless she knows I'm going to be home. But she's in my wedding and as much as I sometimes get upset she won't get back to me, over time I've realized she isn't my "go-to" friend, she's my "Long-time, great memories, tons of fun when we DO see each other" friend, and that's just as important to me.
I cherish my friends and know that sometimes I have to adjust from the way things "used to be", especially as we might be at different stages of life. I also know that they have to adjust with the way things "used to be" too. The ones worth re-evaluating will be a natural progress, the ones that aren't will just fade away.
Kim - I completely agree - it's really difficult to come to terms with it though!
ReplyDeleteCarrie - I think weddings in general let us see the good and bad of friends!
Ally - I think you're absolutely right - I rather have a couple amazing friends than many okay friends.
Stacy - But you aren't the norm lady! You are very good about letting people know you care, even when you have lots going on. That's why all of us totally get it when you don't have time - because we know you have tons going on. I don't take it personally AT ALL when we don't see you - I trust that when we do, things will be fantastic as always. What I'm describing are those people who are making time for everyone else, doing nice things for other mutual friends, and can't so much as reach out to me. I do take that personally!