Thursday, November 3, 2011

On having more kids

One of the hardest things for me personally about Luca's medical issues (besides the actual heartache of seeing her go through so much) is that the culprit is genetic.  To be a carrier for a urea cycle disorder is extremely rare.  For two to end up together is even rarer.  How in the world did Ian and I choose each other, both carriers of a deadly disorder?  (And by the way, did you know most people have several genetic mutations?  Genetic testing needs to be more affordable so that people can be tested prior to having kids - then people are at least prepared for the possibilities!)

I had always imagined having multiple kids.  But personally, Ian and I decided very early on after Luca's diagnosis that we would not intentionally have kids in the natural sense.  We would not ever want to put another child through what Luca has been through.  (Note that many other urea cycle parents choose to take the chance.  It is a 25% chance with each pregnancy that the child will be affected.  We made this decision for us, and every couple must make the same decision.  Please do not read my words as judgments towards others who make a different decision.  This is simply what we feel most comfortable with.)

One of the things I was worried about what seeing our friends start having baby #2, #3...etc.  And recently, I have had to experience exactly that.  I thought that I would be upset or jealous.

But instead, I find myself so incredibly happy for them.  I feel like all parents should rejoice when having more children.  You do not have a genetic disorder and your child is healthy - have more!  The more the better!  (Okay but maybe not as many as the Duggars).  

And I actually feel sad when a couple, who has a perfectly healthy child and the financial means to support more children, decides not to have anymore children. 

I hope one day we have more children.  We may go about it differently (we can do genetic IVF to avoid having another child with UCD, or we may adopt).  I look at this face and know how in love with her I am, and think, I want to eventually have a sibling for her.


  1. I can definitely relate! Whether or not to have children is something I wrestle with all the time. Having a genetic illnes and/or the genes that cause illnesses certainly throws a wrench into things. You seem to have a positive attitude about it, and that makes a big difference :)

  2. We did genetic testing but you are right- it is way too expensive! Our insurance didn't pay for it so it was $500 out of our pocket.


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